On the channel I have talked once(?) about my mental disorder that blesses me with the unyielding power to hate myself. This has been nagging me this month more consistently than rooming with an old couple from a sitcom. Usually during big bouts of depression, I suck it up and work it away, because either way I will be mentally exhausted, but this time I just don't feel like doing anything. I've been forcing myself to create, but I'm still struggling. Maybe I'm forgetting why I'm doing these things in the first place. So I just had the idea of a little list of things I want to do before I die. Since I was raised to believe that money and career goals were a big important thing in life, unfortunately a lot of these are going to be based on my career. Oh wait... I'm a musician that does game reviews. So these can't be boring. I feel a little better already. I'm not going to go into every little life goal, because "eating a burger this weekend" just isn't... just no. It's going to be more long term things, even goals I may not live long enough to reach.
Surround Sound Album
The audio world has come a long way since the dawn of recorded music in the early 1900's. Most people don't know what mixing is, but suffice it to say the mix makes the recorded music sound "professional". Then mastering is what makes it sound "marketable" (I'm only throwing that out there because when people say the mix is what makes it sound "good", it drives me up a wall). You may have or know someone who has a big home theater setup that they blast sickass hip-hop on while studying for exams. YOU KNOW THE ONE! You may be the one. I have been the one once or twice. You would be surprised to know that a part of making that hip-hop album was not necessarily designed for such a thing. Well kind of.
Yes, a big-shot audio engineer in a studio that has been working with music for 20+ years probably has at least five speakers in their mixing rig, but a lot of music, or what we call "popular music" (hip-hop, r&b, most metal, funk, pop, rock, blues, EDM, country) is surprisingly designed for just two speakers. Kind of. The engineer uses his full speaker arsenal to hear what the song will sound like in surround sound (aka "5.1"), but the market is designed around simple stereo. That's what it sounds like: two speakers, or at the very most LCR, which is three speakers (left, center, right, if we exclude subwoofer). Your digital audio workstation (example: mine is Pro Tools) can set up a project in mono, stereo, or 5.1 surround, regardless of how many speakers you actually hook up. However, surround sound files are a lot bigger than a stereo sound file whether it's rap, polka, or a foot cream commercial. If you haven't noticed, there is a lot of music out there, and a lot of it is churned out bullshit for the sole purpose of making money back. Why would I produce four carbon copy nu-metal bands with hour-long albums in a year when I can make quick, uninspired stereo tracks that fit the boring music?
I've gone on this tangent too long. Stereo isn't bad, and surround sound isn't necessarily better, but every time I have heard a Surround Sound mix, it's always really gimmicky... except for Seal IV... yes... by Seal... the "Kiss From a Rose" guy. That album is actually nuts.
I want to do a Lexi Karma album or at least one album in surround that was actually written to be in surround sound, so there isn't just a whooshy woo in the background or some stupid headphone effect for the sake of having it there. Moving on.
Live in California
Actually this one is not too far off. I'm currently saving up to move to California now. I live in some weird rural-urban hybrid area where you actively get made fun of and are seen as an idiot for trying to make a living in anything creative. In California, everyone is doing it, but at least there's a market for it and the online algorithms will be in my favor. In the worst case scenario, the local scene will be neutral, which is way better than draining (which is what I'm dealing with now). I've also never been to the West Coast of the USA. Might as well. I guess.
Found a Moderately Successful Band
I would like to do Lexi Karma for the rest of my life, but I really like the idea of being in a band. I started out in bands when I started writing music and my first live show at 16 years old was filling in for a bass player. It was dirty, hectic, unpaid, mildly disappointing, and I loved it! There are three problems with the musicians in my area:
Type A: "Yes Bruce, I'm glad you think I am musically gifted, and I would love to be in your band, it sounds like a lot of fun. Once I realize that there is work involved though I'm going to waste your time for a month until you finally disband everything, making you feel like an asshole for being rational." This is the story of every band that I have ever founded by the way. Hence Lexi Karma. Seriously. Because I know I will practice and learn songs, show up on recording sessions on time, and arguing with myself is fine because I can't kick myself out.
Type B: "I want the band to sound like the bands that I listen to, and whether I'm actually good at my instrument or not, I will never actually provide anything original to your band. However, I'm going to call you an asshole and a control freak for not putting my hardcore breakdown idea into your song, even though it's boring and has no place in this song that you wrote that actually sounds original, because I hate original music." This is most of them by the way.
Type C: "I'm actually very professional and can get a decent following, but I do it playing things that everyone has already heard before."
There's a reason why talent shows die out after high school and Coheed and Cambria still sell out venues even though "Welcome Home" came out about a decade ago. Talent is boring. Creativity is expansive and can comeback anew. Juggling can grow and expand, but it's still juggling. I can do a guitar solo for 5 hours, it is still going to be a guitar solo. You being able to emulate other people's creations is a talent. Being able to collaborate with me on making something new and original is creative and artistic. It's worth holding onto the idea.
So I want to do one of those. A band that actually makes cool music. New music.
I have a retirement account but I'm basically just going to use all that money to make more dope shit uninhibited.
Randomrings Reviews Season 10
I won't say why, but I need to at least stick out Randomrings Reviews to 10 seasons. There could be more, but 10 is the minimum. That's 100 reviews. Honestly at the rate I'm going, that can probably be achieved by 2020 or 2021. Not bad.
Create and Write a Cartoon Series
Whether it is actually fully animated or some kind of digital comic thing maybe, I want to be the main creator, producer, and lead writer for a cartoon. I already have a full-fledged idea for one that I pretty much came up with in elementary school. I'm not making any great strides into this idea right now, but maybe one day in the future I can do this. My philosophy on a TV show or series in general is making one that can end. Make the bigger story arc have an ending. That doesn't necessarily make a show good. Some of my favorite series like Drawn Together or SpongeBob SquarePants were designed to just keep going, while things like Community, Afro Samurai, Breaking Bad, or the original Trigun manga were planned to end. I don't want to drag around a stinky Family Guy or South Park near death's door, drawing flies but swatting at vultures. What was I talking about?
Maybe one day when I'm not poor, I will get to see Japan. I want to visit Shibuya at the very least. I would also like to see The Gazette live. I really like The Gazette. Like a lot. I'm confused on why they please me so, but they do.
Make a Living Solely on Making Cool Things for Cool People
Mainly this applies to music, but whether it is voice acting or maybe even something related to Randomrings Channel, I want to do something that has a following and a community. I don't just want to be "guy who did that thing on IMDB" or something. I want to be a guy that had a big hand in something or a number of things that had a steady following so I can continue to love them and make more awesome things for them until I die. Oh but also I would like to be able to comfortably afford food and shelter in the process. Right now, that's a challenge.
Be in a Meaningful Romantic Relationship
All of my romantic entanglements have just been a series of me being manipulated somehow. One could argue that I haven't ever had an actual girlfriend. Is it something that I'm spearheading and putting a lot of effort into doing right now? No. That's stupid. Is it something that I would like to see happen since I have several friends in committed relationships that are actually doing well? Sure. But watching from the sidelines for many, many years has shown that it isn't anything worth throwing my other goals away, or even remotely postponing my goals for. Right now I just don't meet women. I don't give myself time too. When I'm not making money to make dope shit or making dope shit, I spend quality time with my friends or my sister. Maybe even my dog. I don't drink so picking up a girl at the bar is creepy. Speed dating is desperate, online dating is terrifying, prostitution is illegal and for my purposes and standards, more importantly it is counter-intuitive. Fuck Tinder.
If that wasn't obvious from everything I have ever publicly done, or the last paragraph. Sex is something I have never done. But I'm not trying to get laid. Or trying to get you to pity me. We're good here. Plenty of pity parties were thrown in public school. After being manipulated by girls I cared about and being thrown to the dust so many times, sex really isn't something I honestly find that appealing anymore. I know that sounds like a flat out lie because I'm a single male in my twenties, and in a way, I guess it is. There is a reason I put this on the list after "meaningful romantic relationship". That comes first. I have some pretty understandable trust issues. If you can break all of those down and I'm not reluctant to you touching me, and you're a girl, then you can blow me. But in a good way. Not that I need you to do that thing to make the relationship good because obviously I dont even know... um... You know how people say... never mind.
Make a Bucket List Without Envisioning Morgan Freeman
I almost had it this time! I didn't even see that movie!
String Quartet Album
I want to make a Lexi Karma album that is my voice, two violins, a viola, and a cello.
Fulfill So Many of the Other Items, That Greed Sets in and I Make New Items
Humans are greedy for the same reasons they are ambitious and vice versa. We always want new things for ourselves, so we can show other people that we exist, for the same reason a kid asks their parent to put the drawing they made up on the fridge. I think part of this is also just sharing things with others, and the people we care about most are the most important, because even if they don't always show it, they want things for us too, because they are just as greedy as us. No matter how many things we do, we are going to keep wanting more, and even if you don't know what you want, problem solved because you want to know what you want and why you don't know what you want. This is why life always feels worthwhile, even if it is at its darkest. That's why I need to press on and create, because one day, all of these things will be checked off.
I mean I could die tomorrow I guess too, who knows. But I would rather die knowing I had a lot of aspirations than live in tedium.