New Year's Resolution that Might Kill Me

I usually don't do New Year's Resolutions but yeah, it's time for change.

This year was one of the most productive years of my life but it was also one of the most anti-climactic, depressing, and unrewarding years as well. I worked almost every single day on something, and I'm not talking about working on Pilates or something. Nope. I worked on either music production, video editing, or (toward the end) illustration or script writing essentially every single day. This went in turn with a job I work to make money to do all this stuff to further my career until it picks up and starts earning actual substantial income. So at the least, I was awake about 15 hours everyday, but more realistically I was awake 17-19 hours a day. My New Year's Resolution is essentially to do that again.

My New Year's Resolution is "No Days Off Until At Least November 1st".

That's roughly 300 days of minimal rest. I'm not that stupid. If I went hard like that for 300 days I would surely die of anxiety overload because I already hate everything I do because of my stupid mental disorder and I don't drink alcohol to alleviate any of the anxiety that comes with this either. There will still be days where I do stuff with my friends and lean back to appreciate what I am working on, but before that "lean back time" I will probably have already done a couple hours of mixing or something.

See that "or something"? That's over too. I knew that if I gave myself the opportunity, I would occasionally use the loophole of "well, I practiced guitar for an hour, mixed for an hour, drew on paper for about 15 minutes, tweaked a script... yeah I'd say I'm pretty much done! Stick a fork in me!" Nope. Not this year.

The problem with 2016 was that I wanted to do a million things at once. That's the problem with knowing that I can do anything I set my mind to, because sometimes my brain translates that to "I can be an expert guitarist, singer, audio engineer, illustrator, video editor, voice actor, YouTuber, writer, composer, pianist, and girl-dater all at once". Guess what. No you can't. Well, you probably can. Look at it this way. The average lifespan for a human now is to live to around what, 70? Let's say 70. You don't acquire actual noticeable skills until you're about 10. So doing anything that would remotely be seen as professional we can assume will last you about 60 years, granted you don't die before you figure out what that is, or never figure out what that is. In the sentence above, I listed 11 things that I could hypothetically do. You can't be a professional girl-dater really (right?) but that would still be a focus in practice. That means each year that you try to "focus" on all 11 of those skills, it will take you an age to become truly great at any one of them. By the time you are 65, you will, in theory, be "pretty good" at guitar, singing, mixing, drawing, editing, acting, uploading shitty videos, writing scripts, writing music, playing piano, and getting laid. That's the best case scenario: pretty good. This year will be different because I will be shifting focus.

I'm going to pick a handful based on actual goals (not dreams) and focus on those. Because alongside all of the things I wanted to do that I just mentioned, I also need to run a stupid odd job and I'm also planning moving to a faraway state. That's a lot to bog my brain down with. You can see why the New Year's Resolution is "no days off" now, I'm sure. It's not me trying to be some mental badass, it's essential for basic time management. So here is how I'm actually splitting these off

What does that mean?

  • Practice mixing and/or composition and performance every day
    • Note this has been my life for nearly a decade, so not hard to do
  • Work on the 2017 album
    • I have been working on this album since late 2015 if I'm not mistaken, and have been planning on a 2017 release. So I should probably finish that up.
  • Select and start up the next album
    • This is the general Lexi Karma workflow, that way after one big release is done, I won't be tempted to shell out a crappy album for the sake of putting one out and calling it "experimental". Gross.
Something I threw away because I thought I would never be good enough

  • Time to practice until I'm good enough
  • There is a long sci-fi story I have been wanting to do for years and I think the most doable way would be through a web comic. With a couple of other people that I probably haven't met yet, I think that will be an incredible experience.

  • New series I'm making is a bunch of short videos.
  • I need to remember that I started Randomrings for fun. I need to quit treating it like a job. It's making the scripts and final products suffer. Also it's not a job. I have made $0 from the entirety of Randomrings Channel. I need to remember that this is not necessarily a bad thing.

  • This Summer I'm moving from the middle East of the USA to the West coast... if all goes according to plan and nothing horrible happens between then and now

  • I need to do more things outside my house, even if I'm alone. I can't stand myself alone. I shouldn't repress my feelings to hide from other people but wallowing in them alone isn't going to solve anything either. How do I expect people to put up with me on a daily basis if I hate myself. I need to occasionally go to an art museum or a bridge or something.

  • I'm going to apply for way more roles than I did this year. This may seem contradictory but think about it. I work a horrible grind job to pay for all the stuff I do now. In less than a year, I will also be scraping by with rent. If my name gets around enough, even if I'm a C-list voice actor I can still potentially pay bills and fees with something I actually enjoy doing and have a desire to get better at doing.
That's my resolution. Yay.

How will you be more creative and happy with yourself in 2017? Will you do it better than me? Probably. But let me know anyways!

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