Update that I didn't want to put in a video

Where the fuck have I been?

I actually recorded a whole update video for this but decided that it sounded too whiney and vague to live with. I will vaguely explain here. If you want the short story, then just note that 2017 has easily been the worst year of my life so far and look towards the bottom where I start listing where I'm at with everything that I have been working on. If you want more details, then read on.

In Spring of 2017, I was fairly content with making music and videos and trying to land gigs in voice acting and music along with other stuff I just happened to be good at. I wasn't in bliss but I also wasn't completely suicidal, which at the time was a big deal for me on a personal level. I've talked about my mental health here and on the channel before but to recap: I generally don't like myself very much, I don't think anything I do is good enough for anyone at any capacity, and I have common thoughts of suicide. Waaaah said the baby. Let's move on.

One of my best friends had a large gathering of friends for her birthday a year prior. I met one of her best friends who hadn't been in town for a while and her boyfriend. They came back to visit in May of this year, or at least she did. At the time she was trying to make a complete move to California with her boyfriend and she told me and a few more friends to join. I was one of the few in the circle of friends who actually considered because I thought moving to California might help speed up my career or at least be an adventure that would perk up my mental state. We started becoming closer and closer, this girl and I, and she always put me in a position where everything I hated in myself was bullshit. Something about it was very convincing to me. I eventually decided the move would happen for sure because this is someone that I could trust without a doubt. I mean, this is one of my best friends' childhood friend. What could possibly go wrong?

You know what happens when someone optimistically says "what could possibly go wrong" right? Yep. A big anvil fell on my head in the form of GIANT WALL OF FUCKING DRAMA. It's worth the all caps... okay no it's not. Sorry for the caps. To put it (kind of) in perspective, it wasn't a situation like "oh sorry I know this is last minute but we decided we won't be able to do it, or at least not this year" or "my boyfriend decided to go for a master's degree so it probably won't work and we don't want you to waste money and effort on our stupid decisions." I was thrown to the curb. Destroyed. And it was poised as if it was my fault. At least I didn't get grifted out of any money or anything but I was devastated. I have a really solid support group of actual friends though, and people have been jerking me around my whole life. But once I started becoming (kind of) mentally healthy again, another giant wall of drama happened and I'm still kind of processing that.

Not to sound narcissistic but maybe 5% of this drama was my fault, and a lot of people would probably argue that 0% of it was my fault or that all of it was definitely instigated by someone other than myself. I say this to assure you that I will be fine, but I have a lot on my mind right now. I'm sick of sitting around in the past though, even if some of it seems inevitable. I'm sick of giving my mind a rest. There were like two months where I barely got anything done and just felt damn miserable. "Oh, but your brain is a part of your body! If your leg was broken you would go to fix it!" Yeah, so your leg just walks you around. If you need to walk, then yeah, get that fixed. Your brain does everything. It has taken too long to heal and I can't wait around for its slow ass anymore. Mind... Mind ass? Ultimately I'm not thinking about killing myself or anything and there are a lot of arguably positive things happening in my life, so I'll be fine. Okay, pity party sissy fuckwad pussy dickhole bullshit over. What am I working on?

I'm still working on whatever videos I said I was going to work on fucking forever ago (Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time, Pokemon Battle Revolution, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater) but first I want to introduce the new shit and new format with Yooka-Laylee. Again, this was supposed to be out when people were still talking about Yooka-Laylee but oh well. After this one comes out, the other ones should come out much quicker. In the meantime, I did release a podcast thingy on the channel as well. I want to do more. We'll see. There are a lot of things I want to do.

Who cares? But I'm working on this 6-song electronic thing. It's almost done. I just hate my mixing job right now and don't know how to master for shit. Speaking of:

The only hangup is the audio. It's not even bad, I just can't get what I want out of it and it stresses me out everytime I work on it. Also, Brad and I just don't want to think about it that much by now but I swear it will ALL be released at some point because I really like it all. There was not one bad session.

I went back to school for the third time. Maybe this time I'll stay. Good news is a lot of my credits transferred so I'm basically a Junior in my first term. Yeah, they kind of like to call me a badass around here. An academic badass! Or... they would, but its all online... my mom says I'm handsome! Fuck off!

In all seriousness, I want to give out a heartfelt thank you to anyone who has ever taken in anything I've ever made and will continue to make. So yeah, thanks. More on the way. Maybe even more blogs because I basically can't afford therapy right now! Weeeeeheeeeeeeeeeee!!!

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