Creepers and Actual Creepers

Lately, I have found myself impulsively talking about sexual harassment on Twitter. I'm not trying to make any big political statement with it. I really don't think I have or will say anything that hasn't already been said. I just find the topic interesting and necessary. It is a shame that we had to do a witch hunt for a bunch of mongers to get this topic mainstream and although I don't think the ends necessarily justify the means, I am trying to make lemonade out of rocks by saying that I'm glad more people are talking about it and reflecting on it. I like to think that anyone regularly following things I make or anyone coming across this post would agree if I said that the romantic/sexual world is much more dangerous for women than it is for men. I hope we aren't saying it is because of men being men though.

I'm not a social justice warrior for men. They have been scientifically proven to be horny... a lot. The ones that let that horniness get in the way of empathy and common sense are the ones that worry me. These are the targets, but it is a lot easier to say "men" than "men that are mentally capable of being sexually abusive creepers". This is not a post defending men in general. Actually, as usual, I don't really know if there is one concrete point to these blog plots or if anyone cares if there is. I think the two things I take away from this series of publicized travesties are that men shouldn't feel self-conscious and that women are definitely the majority of victims.

I have mental issues that I have whined about several times on my channel and on this blog even more. One of them is being hypercritical of myself. More than whatever you're thinking right now probably. I don't have things as simple as "I wonder if my ass looks fat in these jeans" or "Do I say 'like' too much in everyday conversation?" I feel like a plague on society even if I can firmly reassure myself I haven't done anything wrong. Talking to girls that I find attractive at all feels like a crime to me. It's not the "oh he's a shy boi" kind of thing we all know about. It isn't a TV trope of bashfulness. It's this feeling that introducing myself is a burden. It's the preemptive assumption that no one would ever want to get to know me in general so if I'm interested in getting to know a pretty lady, I instantly shoot myself down. I quickly instill reasons (within seconds) of how I'm too ugly, my hair is too weird, my career is a constant failure, I'm a low-life, yadda yadda. We're all our own worst critic and all that, but my inner self-critic is usually fighting myself on whether or not I'm a Shonen Jump monster or just a normal guy with weird hair. This is the kind of audience I hope to reach.

Right now, saying anything short of "women are victims and men can all get castrated and go to hell" is a ticket across a minefield. So again, I will say women are definitely the victims here and the popular cases we have been hearing about in the past few months were by no means in the right upon acting. Most of them can't even offer a real apology, not that it would undo the damage anyways. I fear, and this is probably extreme, that we are going towards a society where women dismiss more and more men in general just because they are men. Men like me who never want to even look at someone weird because it might hurt their feelings are now officially labeled as men, and therefore due to recent events, suspects. They aren't instantly labeled as monsters like the rest of them sure, but now we have to worry about whether or not someone is going to find us creepy... but not just undesirable: actually dangerous. Alfred Hitchcock level creepy. At the end of the day, we know who we are right? Any logical person can read up on the Louis C.K. confirmed allegations and spurt out through a mouthful of chewed popcorn "glad I'm not that kind of guy." Well, it isn't that simple for everyone.

I'm sure that this isn't a majority but I know there are plenty of people out there that think more like me when it comes to introspection. Introspection isn't just meditation or asking things about the self in a critical manner for people like me. Introspection in my brain is a war between my innocence and insecurities. When I see so much stuff out there from so many random people from so many different kinds of lives saying "down with men, you're all fucking pigs", I kind of start looking into myself like "am I still awful, just not as awful?"As horrible as this comparison is, if you look at it emotionlessly, rapists want someone to touch, kiss, and eventually fuck and the most gentlemanly gentleman also wants someone to touch, kiss, and eventually fuck, their motives are just less kinetic. When you look at the situation at a more broad level like this, the rapist still seems more or less the same. The gentlemanly gentlemen, on the other hand, is a lot more complex because sexuality is complex. Every kink and turn-off came from somewhere and then when you are initiating something sexual or something that plants that metaphorical seed, you are asking someone to share that big complex bundle with someone else. On a surface level, there is no way you will be able to untie this bundle in a day. Probably not even in a month. Put more simply, people like me will get self-conscious about being creepy because the media have been bringing really creepy people to the mainstream chopping block. Again, I think this is a good thing. These people need to answer for their crimes. But I feel people like me also pay a price, albeit exponentially smaller, for their stupid and inconsiderate actions.

I know in recent lighting, and rightfully so, women feel less safe now because of these things than usual. Men like me who have weird mental quirks that I just mentioned as well as men also like me who definitely admire and appreciate women as they would any man (just, you know, I don't think men are sexy but that's for another blog) probably aren't sure how to approach this kind of thing anymore. How do we grow the balls that have already receded back into our intestines because of how afraid we are of not just rejection, but insulting the woman's very existence by approaching her at all? I even find myself in platonic situations where I more often just want to meet this person that also happens to be a woman but then start watching myself to make sure that I'm not a huge fucking creep. This is irrational but still very real. Now women are more scared than before (and again, that is probably smart) which makes these things even harder. I see this as a problem and ladies and gentlemen, in the next paragraph I am going to try to explain why without sounding like a disgusting chauvinist cunt!

I currently live with women and men. I have lived with women my entire life. I have met some pretty incredible women. They aren't incredible because they're women. There are so many countless qualities about these particular individuals that would draw me to them and make me respect them to the ends of the Earth before what genitals they have had been brought into the discussion at all. I'm sure I was just as insecure talking to a lot of these women as well (minus my mom and sister of course) and this isn't because I wanted to fuck their brains out, it's because I was afraid they would think I wanted to fuck their brains out. But these women stepped away from the cage I put myself in. They saw the innocence that was actually there. They saw fear. They didn't see a horny and desperate man. Sure they might have seen a flawed, sad, and obviously depressed man in some instances, but they took the chance that I wasn't trying to sexually assault them. Good thing I wasn't, right? So now my main fear is that most women or a large number of American women are going to feel the need to be so defensive that meeting men who care about them or just want to have an interesting conversation are going to be dismissed before they have a chance to ask what time it is. So this particular point isn't even so much about dating or sex. If you see a man walking down the street, heading your way, wearing a pea coat, jeans, gym shoes, maybe a hat (?), you don't know what he wants. Does he want anything? Does he want to talk to you? Does he want to borrow change for a payphone? Does he want you to help him get something out of the back of his car? Because if he does, tell him to fuck off.

So let's split this off onto the genders:

Boys: Don't be down on yourself because of the idiocies of other men. If you're not a pig, you're not a pig. If you genuinely care for a girl or just want to try out a girl you see at some party or something, just try talking to them. Don't touch them without permission. You'll be fine. I can't take my own advice of course and will continue to be terrified of this for the rest of my days but you don't have to be me. Imagine you're uh... your favorite superhero or something for confidence. Don't sexually abuse them and you won't sexually abuse them. There is no way to accidentally rape someone.

Girls: Here I don't know what to say. How the hell am I supposed to tell you to let your guard down a little bit when every public outing with men is a risk? Even men you know could rape you statistically speaking. I want to say, if nothing else, learn the signs. Men are usually pretty damn transparent and terrible liars. This is where you all have the upper hand, yeah? If I wanted to talk to you platonically, we would probably be introduced in some scenario or we would be standing near each other long enough to where I might try to make small talk. I will probably make a sarcastic remark at something nearby. Now if I want to hit on you... actually it's not all that different. I might be a little more flirty but I'm not going to hint at your tits, or what you look like naked, or how big my dick is and how cool it would be if you sucked it. I'm not going to advance unless you do or we have known each other for a long time and then we talk about the elephant in the room or something. If we both know there is something there and it's pretty obvious, I'm still going to verbally find out what's going on before Louis C.K.ing you. When a guy is trying to be persuasive, put up the shield. Persistence and persuasion are not the same word for reasons. Me continuing to talk to you after an awkward move is different from "c'mon baby just gimme a chance for one fackin night." That's my two cents. Stay safe.

I hope I got the point across. Ultimately the point I made isn't that complex, it just isn't made often because it's hard to put plainly without sounding like a tool. On the other hand, saying "everybody just be kind to each other" is too vague for this topic in my opinion and we should just generally be doing that anyways. Be cautiously optimistic about possibly befriending a male, you might just find a life-changing person, maybe even one that will never fuck you. At the same time, don't return that can of mace.

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