This is a weird process that most people never go through. A lot of people don't want to be an online spokesperson for this for whatever reason(s) and I don't blame them. I like informing people about this sort of thing and people have been asking me about it here and there. I also don't want to go to bed right now so I might as well talk about this. Yes, this is usually about the mind frame in which most of Randomrings Blog is curated.
Can You Change Your Name?
Here in America, yeah. One of the reasons a lot of people don't want to talk about this crap is because it isn't one-size-fits-all. Even within a subsect of people where 100% of them want to change their name, it probably isn't one-size-fits-all because the legal procedure varies from state-to-state. I won't disclose where I am but here's what you had to do where I filed for mine (skipping a few details to keep my location vague):
- Find official name change form for your state online
- Fill out all of the necessary information (may include where you were born down to the fucking c o u n t y so just be ready for that)
- Print that out
- Put the filled out name change form, a check covering the name change fee for your current state/county, and some valid form of ID containing your date of birth (for me, a scanned copy of my drivers license was good enough) in an envelope addressed to your county
- Wait for them to send you a follow-up in the mail
If you did it the way they wanted you to with the right amount of money for the fee, they should send you a few copies of an official order stating that your name is changed legally. If not, they'll send you a different form telling you what you did wrong. And by "wrong" I mean the stuff you didn't know because even the government-officiated websites for this shit don't tell you jack about how to do this. I only screwed up once because I thought the form was first and then they would send back official instructions on what to do next. Apparently, they just wanted the form, ID, and money in one fell swoop so they can deal with me for the least amount of time possible.
They give you a few extra copies of the official order because you have to give it to your bank, your employer (if applicable), your insurance company, your car insurance company, and you need it to change your driver's license.
Sounds easy, right? The government will most likely fuck you over one way or another just for thinking that. Now, during the pandemic, you can't do social security stuff in person unless the SSA deems your situation "critical". So although I have indisputably and legally been Ayden for 3-4 weeks, I have almost no official record/proof of that. I'm not even going to get into that spiel here because thinking about it actually makes me angry.
Here's the other kicker: on the form, you have to give a reason for changing your name. Like, if I was going to do something fraudulent, I'm not going to fill that blank with "vote six times". The reason I gave had nothing to do with my gender, though in reality it kind of did. Imagine being like a trans woman or something and having to deal with this shit under a government that recently passed a bill that gives medical practitioners the right to treat you like hot garbage. Never mind, don't imagine that because it's really fucking sad and some of you reading this may have experienced this.
But yeah, technically, money and time are the only things keeping you from changing your name legally. And of course, this should go without saying, if you change your name to anything without filing it for the government, people should still respect that. They can fuck themselves if they don't. I myself am very fortunate and have friends who are more dedicated to my new name being shoved into conversation than I am.
Why I Changed My Name?
I have three reasons for this that sum it up the most, I think.
Reason 1: Gender. I was kind of fed up with identifying as a cishet man when that never felt wholly accurate. After further exploration, some women's clothing, and the purchase of an IPL hair removal device, I get why now. My, for all intents and purposes, "deadname" was three consecutive masculine names. I have never been a huge fan of the gender binary anyway, so I kind of just picked shit that I thought sounded the coolest without falling too far into one end of the polarized bullshit of Western gender norms. Ayden and my middle name, Levi, are both pretty gender-interchangeable or gender-neutral. Iona seems to be used as a woman's name 9 times out of 10 but I could not find a last name that resonated with my weirdo mind as much as that one. It's also the only one out of the three names that is primarily Scottish, which looks like it fits for anyone who ever sees me in real life. I would look like some kind of loony cunt if I picked "Yoshimura". A great name to be sure but a red-flag name for a pasty, freckly white fucker born and raised in the states. As someone who feels more in-between than outwardly masculine, I felt gender-neutral names made sense. I still feel that way after the fact.
Reason 2: Heritage. This is the main reason I stated on my legal name-change form. I was thinking about changing my name long before I came out as enbybyboi. The first name of my deadname was the one I had the least problem with. It was supposedly adopted from some guitarist from some band. Sometimes, my dad doesn't even remember where he pulled it from. My middle and last names were directly inherited from my bloodline. My family has been full of transphobia and homophobia for years. There are a lot of things about my family that I am not proud of and have not wanted to associate with for a long time. I haven't talked to many family members in years. A vast majority of them gave up on reaching out to me and the feeling is mutual. To have a future where nothing on my desk or in my closet or on my computer reminds me of the hateful environment I was raised in is an unreal thought that is becoming more real every day. Changing my name in that self-affirming mindset feels really good.
Reason 3: Video Games. I don't think I've used my real name as an input for a video game character in about 14 years. Every time I am prompted, it's something goofy, something I would name a character I was writing, or some permutation of "Randomrings". Do you wish you had a cool name like that in real life? What an escapist fantasy! Oh, wait! No, it's not! You can just do that in real life! So I did! "Ayden Iona" seemed more fitting than my Persona 5 name, "Ringer Snorkly".
Why Did You Pick That Name?
The above says a lot of it. I just kind of addressed myself as certain names in my mind, imagined myself being called different names by others, and sometimes I looked in the mirror and would call myself various names at different, spaced-out times throughout the day.
Ayden is a Gaelic name. It means something like "fire" or something like that. I'm sure there's some deeper symbolic meaning that fits me but I honestly didn't think about it that hard. I just mostly wanted Gaelic, gender-neutral, and something without a lot of biting syllables like "er", "or", or "ar".
Levi has Hebrew origin but has been used in several other cultures for hundreds of years. I feel like this one is generally more associated with masculinity but it is technically gender-interchangeable. And really, gender is kind of learned, societal bullshit so "Ralph" can be a girl's name because a girl named Ralph said so. Levi means "attached" or "joined". I liked the juxtaposition between this and the "fire" of Ayden. I come off as edgy/angry/scary to a lot of people but the people who come closest to me know I'm a sucker and want to help my friends more than most things anyone could do in life. I also like to think I'm a pretty empathetic bubby.
Iona is just a pretty name. It's a Scottish river. I have a note on my phone saying it also means "blessed". I'm not sure how accurate that is but I'm sure it was a contributing factor. This goes best with "Levi" because when I picked "Levi", I thought of my friends and my connection to them. As I said a bit ago, this name is generally perceived as feminine. A lot. This isn't a "Kim" or "Taylor" kind of deal. This is a "sooooo, you named your daughter Brutus, huh?" kind of thing. But since it's my last name, no one fucking cares and it's genuinely wonderful! I got my pretty gorl name and nobody asked any shitty questions!
Honorable mentions for various parts of my name were Asher, Reid, Zephyr, different spellings of Ayden, and Blair. These weren't all the options I sifted through, just the ones I went back to and contemplated the most. If not for my irrational loathing of the American "R" sound, I probably would have picked "Asher". That was the number 2.
Also, the acronym for my name is "Ali" because I'm an ally to many! Isn't that cheesy?!? I get four names, bitch!
Hope this shed some light on the mystery of changing one's name. I can answer more questions about my own name but in a general sense, I don't have all of the answers because it varies so much from person-to-person and region-to-region. Time for me to stop blabbering on with this blog and go the fuck to bed. Thanks for reading this. Sleepy-bye time for me. Sleepy-bye time for you. Maybe not. But surely for me.
