Hey, I pretty much did it, everyone! There are a few little hiccups right now but my name is in all of the important systems it needs to be in. Except... fuck... the IRS? Let's not think about that right now.
Here was the first chapter of this garbage quest:
https://randomringsblog.blogspot.com/2020/11/name-change-vent.html
Last time on this 3-6 week process taking a little over 3 months:
Had to pay an arbitrary fee just to update this with the county I live in. Despite this info being directly linked to your social, this information doesn't automatically just update with all of the important things that are directly connected to your social. Even getting to this step is not clearly spelled out but the government thinks it is, so if you don't get the imaginary memo, it's on you. Every step of this was also made exponentially harder because of the virus so fuck all of your anti-masker friends and family, they fucked me in the ass. And, y'know, endangered a lot of lives and such.
The court order form they gave me to give to these important places (employer, DMV, social security administration, bank, others I probably can't immediately think of) gives you 10 days to change your driver's license. This court order comes to you in the mail so you can give it to the DMV. In my county, I didn't have the proper credentials to do this anyway because you also need a social security card. That process takes at least two weeks. So basically 7 days to do a two-week thing.
USPS and local social security office kept juggling my birth certificate and old social security card back and forth while giving me different middle fingers every time I tried to figure out where my legal identification is. During this circus act, other administrations and corporations were like "you don't have any other forms of identification? Ohhh that's weeeeeeiiirrrrrddd". FUCK YOU!!!! Anyway.
Because of the driver's license hold-out, I couldn't change my name with my bank account. I also had to make a new bank account anyway because I've had a joint account with my emotionally abusive mother for over a decade.
on with the show!
So one of my original fears was confirmed by the USPS. They wouldn't put letter from the Social Security Administration (SSA, I'm not typing that out every time) in my mailbox at my apartment building because it had my deadname on it. Okay. So I took it off entirely. That didn't fly either so I had to do the juggle and dance again to get my birth certificate and new social security card sent to me. "Duh" Shut your fucking mouth. I had lived in the apartment for 4 or 5 months by this point and since then, I have had mail for at least 5 different names either outside my mailbox but addressed to my apartment or physically inside my mailbox without my actual fucking name on it. I've had important documents sent from important places that, if taken, probably could have taken my identity or fucked me over in other thoroughly irritating ways. But nah, this stuff is what we won't give you the benefit of the doubt on. So I made my own little label on the outside (and two more on the inside, I'm not fucking joking). I go out to put them on and at some point within the past few days that I didn't check the mail, someone had already put up a new sticker saying "Ayden Iona/[deadname last name]". So, huh? Give me my social security card and birth certificate while you're at it, yeah? No? Okay.
So finally, it comes in the mail, I finally have the legal credentials to say "hey, I'm me, sluts". Now, I can use these things to get a card that says "I'm me and I still know how to drive". I had to make an appointment to show up. I showed up once all the confused people who didn't make appointments went back to their cars and other people were told to wait for their actual appointments. I go in, wait behind someone else for a bit. Give them the stuff that their website says you need for this. "Wow, that's great that it was so easy for that step" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA the woman said "aaaand you need a recent piece of mail with the new name." You. Fucking. WHY?!?!?
FORTUNATELY, I happened to have the letter from the SSA that came with my new social security card that she had on her fucking desk. "Here, motherfucker, ya need a blood sample with that? Cum in a jar?" She typed stuff for a while and then slowly printed out my new card. I was officially not a fucking technical fraud anymore. I was finally legally myself.
However! My employer is made of stupid.
So to get in the building, I have a nametag that has my login ID, first name, last name, and a barcode. The login ID is a permutation of your first and last name that you don't get to control at all. It's automatically generated for you when you're hired. "Why did you wait until now to update your job?" Because these fuckers fuck up someone's paycheck weekly without people changing their names. I wasn't risking jack shit. So after the bank account thing, which weirdly went well, I went to get my name changed in their system.
"Hey HR rep, my name is different now."
"Well, you can change your preferred name with us online."
"Nope. This is my legal name and it links to my insurance through here so you have to fix it in your system or it's legally incorrect."
"Ugghhhhhh FINE!"
It wasn't that bad but kind of close. Finally, the HR rep asks for my driver's license. This is after I show him that I already changed my "preferred name" online and that you can't change your legal name on your own. This blew his fucking mind. Not fucking sure why. He fiddles around with his computer and says "alright, go to security and they should be able to print off a new tag". You already know where this is going, right?
"No, it should update in our system in 24-48 hours."
I could hit the security people in the head with a frisbee from the HR desk. But sure. So I went home. Came back two days later to another security fucker who was just dumbfounded. He also kept pronouncing my middle name, Levi, like "levy". My last name is already a river called Iona, why the fuck would I make my name a whole-ass pun? On his end, My last name came in as my first name and my middle name was my last name. He said I had to go tell HR. Cool. Real cool.
The same HR dude is flabbergasted. He takes another stab at... reading my driver's license. In my state, the last name is listed above the first and middle name on your driver's license. Yet he asked, "how do you want your name to show up in the system again?" First off, you stupid fucking bitch, it's my legal name, not "how I want it to show up". If you don't put it in correctly and I give up on this, we're both being fraudulent. So I repeat it. I repeat it again when it was relevant and he's like "yeah, yeah, got it". Okay then why is my name in mirror mode, bitch? He does something different supposedly. He says it should be another 24-48 hours anyway but that this time, it should be good to go. Nice right (you already fucking know. just reading this oh babeeeeeyyyyy you already fucking know it's still fucked up but yeah here we go).
To all of our utmost grave dismay, my name was still flipped as it had been a fortnight prior. Heavens be tame! Security dude says, leave it here and we'll see what we can do. Come back in a few minutes. I talk to a buddy of mine for like 15 minutes and go back. The dude has this face like "why are you here?" "Where is my ID?"
"Oh, I gave it to a manager." That wasn't part of the deal, cunt!
Security chief comes in.
"Yeah, it's with some dude with a beard and a hat." This describes 90% of the managers in the building, by the way.
"A beard and a hat?" I'm not exaggerating.
"Yeah, you're [deadname], right?"
I got actively pissed. "I was!"
"Yeah, yeah, you were, yeah." I don't think his wife would approve of this unwarranted behavior and hostile attitude toward me but his wife would probably be a big fan of my behavior.
Oh, and also, nothing changed. I still have a shit ID. I immediately turn around and go to the HR desk. The normal guy isn't there so I try to explain the situation to two old ladies at the HR desk. They fucking interrupt me and go "you can't change your login ID, ever."
"Well, that sucks. Also, that's not why I came up here!" They were so deadset on shooting me down that neither of them even fucking tried to help me. They just told me to wait until the other guy that has been dealing with me came back later. There is a special place in queer hell for that fucking lady, I swear.
The guy comes back, I give him my license again. I go to the break room (because I am now dealing with this in-between shifts because it took fucking 6 days). He emails me while I'm in the breakroom and asks how I want my name to show up in the system again. I spell it out as obviously as I fucking can. He finally does it, sees me later and comes after me to make absolutely sure. He said it should be done in 24-48 hours. Again. This time it actually worked. One could theorize that he read my driver's license wrong and was too proud to make sure with me in the moment but heeyyyyyyy at least I finally have... my NAME! Also yeah, if you didn't piece it together, my deadname is still in my login ID until I quit. But it's okay because I'm angry every minute I'm working there anyway. If anything, it's a reminder not to let my guard down around management.
My mom finds out the bank account info has changed. On her end, it looks like I removed her from the account. I told her "oh, so that's what it looks like on your end. No, I yeeted that account to the nether." She acted like she didn't know what that means, like bitch, I know you spend too much time on Facebook because all those manipulative picture quotes you send me I guarantee you didn't edit yourself. A few days ago, I cut off ties with my parents. Mom claims they will still be loving me with everything they have. Dad giving me shit in the phone call and Mom cussing me out (we weren't even allowed to say "piss" in the house) leads me to believe otherwise.
To some, that might sound depressing but I claimed victory over that whole situation. I can now be more of myself than I have ever been in my entire life and it feels so relieving! There are so many other things in the world that are awful or at least discouraging but I can now face them as myself. Not someone's child, not the hereditary culmination of haphazardly passed Scottish/Irish genes; me. My own legacy is now all that matters. I can be whoever I want to be for myself and for my friends. And for whoever reads this or watches my videos, listens to my music, or joins my streams. Isn't that badass?
So, it's worth it. If you're thinking about it, try out new names at Starbucks or online or something. Because it's something you can just do. It's a battle, especially during this pandemic. I'm not going to tell you it's not stressful but it's worth it. So, no more name change updates. This is just who I am.
Now to figure out how the fuck to get rid of all this ape hair growing all over my face and body.
- Ayden Iona
