7/14/2018

Dear Diary, My Channel is Killing Me

Instead of posting a huge Twitter thread that no one wants to read, I'll post this: an update on all of the things I am doing and get more in-depth on my recent inactivity in comparison to 2016.

Personal Sob-Story Trash:
(I won't be offended if you skip ahead to the next segment)

2015 was the year I decided to stop doing Randomrings Channel and then decided to do it again. Not many people know this. Not many people at this time watch my channel. Sometimes I feel that Randomrings Channel is a huge waste of my time and I am slightly embarrassed by its existence. I put a decent amount of work into it and I'm still way too hard on myself, wanting it to be more than what it is. Most of the time I am able to get over that but I have still had a growing feeling of disgust in myself for putting so much thought into an ongoing project that is reliant on things I didn't make (the games I talk about if that wasn't clear). But as 2015 showed me and as making new videos on this channel continues to show me, for some reason I still want to make these fucking videos. I really don't understand it. After I stopped making videos in 2015, I missed doing it so much that I made a buttload.

Enter 2016 where I was posting at least one video a month for 8-9 months, and almost consistently 1 full review every one of those months. I felt great about it at the time. I was pretty content with putting out consistent.... erm... content. I was trying new stuff on the sides too. Looking back, I think a lot of the videos are mostly cringy but I still cite a few of them as my best stuff (i.e. Sonic Adventure 1-2, The Sly Trilogy, Digimon Rumble Arena 2). Then in August, I was like "okay everyone, I'm going to release this Uncharted 4 review and then no more reviews for a few months because I will be working on five or so big reviews that you can enjoy around Thanksgiving to Christmas!" Of those reviews, I released one of them, which was Spyro the Dragon. Then I released Threads of Fate's review a few months later. Which brings us to 2017.

2017 Randomrings Channel is something I barely want to talk about because 2017 was genuinely one of the saddest, most dangerous, disappointing, and depressing years of my entire life. I'm good now, mostly, it's just not something I want to put in perspective to the stuff I made. I don't want those videos to be remembered as "the sad times" or whatever. Let's just say a lot of things were very stagnant and depressing already in early 2017, wherein the thought of new Randomrings videos were some of the only things making my life feel like it had any spontaneity and joy. Then a lot of things were quickly on the up-and-up around May. That was my mental health 2017 video, which I also still like very much and think it holds up. Not many months after that video, a lot of things in my life went to shit and to avoid a decent chunk of these things, I moved into a new living space with some roommates that were doing self-destructive things. I won't go into detail but some of these were oversights, some intended, but mostly they were results of alcohol and drugs. To protect the other people that weren't a constant nuisance to me that also lived there, I toughed it out.

2018. The dust settles and I have a lot more things on the right track or something close to it. The most dangerous person in the building was finally kicked out. Don't ask why it took so long, it was a stupid story and he should have been kicked out months prior to when he was. His girlfriend, a friend of ours for years, long story short, was becoming increasingly toxic, especially to me. I hated living in a place where I was seen as a villain when I had really done nothing wrong, especially in comparison to the alchie. I had another opportunity to move somewhere else, so I did. That was pretty recent. Here we are.

What Does Any of That Have To Do With Your Videos?:

I've moved house twice in the past year and since I decided to move into my parents' to avoid paying extra rent for a month I was not even staying a full month of, I technically moved house three times, one was just significantly easier because most of my stuff was already boxed up. In October, I went back to school, I had been out for some time. I now go year round. The next upcoming review is mostly illustrated with chunks of it being primarily game footage. This is different from my reviews of Spyro the Dragon and Threads of Fate because those had preset PNG images that I could reuse. This new video has contextual illustrations, most of which don't stay on screen for more than 15 seconds. I'm doing it all alone and within spare time that I don't have much of, especially because I have come to the recent realization that I can't just neglect a healthy amount of sleep anymore when it isn't even necessary.


Below are the future of things I have been working on, or at least as I perceive them:

School:
I have so many transfer credits from all the other stupid bullshit I did when I was in school prior that I am now basically a Junior in the second half of his last semester. The situation is more complicated than that and my school is not semester-based but that is easier for most to understand. I should have a bachelor's in creative writing with a focus on screenwriting by next Summer. Hopefully whatever job I find in that doesn't force me to sacrifice one of the other five-million things I'm doing.

Lexi Karma:
Lexi Karma is my music project that I released a full-length album on in May 2016. I am working on more when I find time, which now that I'm back in school, is a lot rarer. The next Lexi Karma project won't be full-length, I just need to finish up the mix and somehow raise enough money to get someone to master it and someone else to do album art if I don't end up taking a subpar stab at it myself.

Randomrings Channel:
I have been debating killing Randomrings Channel off as of late but there are still a few reviews I want to release before that happens if that happens. At this point, I don't think I'll have the balls to stop, but I will probably make things shorter and realize that it is a fucking YouTube channel and I don't have to take it so seriously. My best reviews, though heavily scripted, were more from a space of fun than a desperation to put something out hoping that the world will realize that I exist. Who cares about that anyway? I like the way Gumflap is going so far, especially my Hat in Time video, so it will be sort of like that but hopefully better.

Let me put it this way: if you see these reviews come out...
Pokemon Battle Revolution
World of Warcraft
Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (or some other Metal Gear video)
Batman: The Telltale Series

... and I don't post an update video talking about ending Randomrings, then I won't be ending it but things will probably be a bit different.

Webcomic:
I'm writing a webcomic so I have something to show people when I graduate or even before but I really want to give it the time it deserves. So far, that has been next to impossible and I'm exhausted all the time. This is the main reason I have been thinking of killing Randomrings. Randomrings is fun, sometimes, but it isn't an original idea and it deals with content I did not make. This webcomic is fully original with characters and stories I made. I want this to be the focus but the fact that I don't have time to work on all of it equally is frustrating. More on that when and if something worth mentioning comes up.

GHG:
You are going to see a lot more action the next few months on GHG than you will on Randomrings. There is a lot of backlog of GHG and that has been irritating in many ways but I am finally getting a good chunk of it nearly finished and a solid chunk out already. I should focus more on Randomrings probably but GHG is easy to get something done, even if it isn't as satisfying or focused as Randomrings, Lexi Karma, or a giant-ass comic. GHG is also something easy I can create with other people involved and I like that. It is a lot more difficult to pre-coordinate something collaborative with Randomrings.

Life:
Fuck it. Keep making cool stuff. Or don't. Do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt someone else.

Synopsis: I want to work on Randomrings, Lexi Karma, GHG, Webcomic, and School at the same time. Let's see if I can do it without dying.

4/25/2018

Late to the Party: Isle of Dogs

I haven't done a "Late to the Party" entry since Star Wars VII in February 2017. I don't even think that was that recent of a movie when I wrote that either.

No spoilers by the way.

Movie release: 2018
Interest in the movie: I like stop-motion and animation in general. I usually don't go out of my way to see new movies in theaters because I usually end up thinking they are stupid but a lot of animators and artists I follow on the internet said that Isle of Dogs was pretty cool. I do too.

Isle of Dogs is the kind of animated movie that I have been hoping to come out for a long time. I knew it was only a matter of time but I certainly did not think it would be this good or in this time period. I certainly didn't expect it to be stop-motion. Animated movies were pioneered as family friendly and inevitably turned into mindless schlock for kids as well. There have been some great animated films since Disney essentially invented the full-length animated film but most of the movies in that genre are dumbed down to cater to kids. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying what happens. South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut is a movie that I still think holds up well but I also feel that it kind of ruined the animated film market in this sense (by no fault of its own). Movies had to be family friendly, watered down for the simplest of minds to comprehend, or it had to be vulgar like South Park. Isle of Dogs looks like a family-friendly movie and depending on the family maybe it is, but the animation is a creative and stylistic choice. This is not a kids' movie and that's part of the reason I love it. At the very least, it's refreshing.

Isle of Dogs has some really dark themes and that is not what necessarily makes the movie good. The portrayal, constantly impressive animation in both 3D and 2D, and many unique creative choices lead me to believe that Isle of Dogs will stand as one of the best films of its decade. I know, we have two years left, but if Marvel and DC are still in the running, I think Isle of Dogs can hold its throne there. Isle of Dogs has important politics but is ultimately apolitical. Isle of Dogs has family elements but centers on characters that are not related to each other. Isle of Dogs has violence but it is not primarily an action movie. Most of my movies seem to have a bit of everything in them. I don't need a full variety act but if you add several elements in, it should be to show complexities in your setting and characters. Isle of Dogs does this. The movie doesn't tell the greatest or most captivating story ever told or anything but the writing is catered to an entertaining ride that is consistently carried by the animation and voice acting.

The visuals are getting a lot of praise in this movie, both in my take and in a lot of what I'm seeing on the internet. The visuals are actually underrated. There are a lot of cues in the setup that carry out consistent themes and more impressively show the viewer the journey that they have been on from time to time. there are landmarks, which a lot of movies that aren't even animated don't have, and they are kept in continuity as well. From the introduction, Isle of Dogs shoves its style in your face and never lets go. I mean that in the best way possible.

To stop gushing, I guess I have to be a big meany-pants and talk about things that I thought were slightly flawed.

The most striking thing I remember questioning while I was watching the movie was its use of gender roles, or possibly its lack of use? Most of the girl characters are essentially just toys for the men. There was no real statement made with most of them. Peppermint is used as a plot device at least and I can understand her inclusion. Nutmeg, on the other hand, is shown like she is going to be this consistently important character and just ends up being a trophy for Chief. The only female characters that aren't just girl characters for the sake of having girl characters were probably The Oracle and Tracy. Tracy could have been a boy and very little would have changed. I'm not saying that as a bad thing, it means that she was important. Even then, midway through the movie, something stupid happens out of nowhere. It's kind of funny and cute but still makes the world seem like it revolves around dick. The Oracle is just a goofy character, and again, didn't have to be a boy or a girl, and either or would have made very little difference to the movie. This is not a bad thing. The Oracle has no romantic or sexual inclinations to anyone in the movie so her character didn't rub me the wrong way. Everyone else except Tracy, and even to some extent Tracy, needs dick for some odd reason. There is no purpose for this. There is no point in the movie other than for the male characters to be rewarded with dick. Peppermint serves some kind of purpose to the plot but as her character progresses, she looks like less of a character and more of a cum dumpster. They didn't have to "Mulan" it. Just don't make your characters sex toys. That makes them almost not characters at all.

Also, why were there no fucking subtitles I mean come on?!!?!?

...psych

This is one of the main complaints I hear about the movie and it makes me wonder if I was watching the same fucking movie. I don't have this complaint. Isle of Dogs feeds on the fact that it is refreshing in its genre. Every shitty movie where the dogs strike back against the humans, the humans and dogs usually can't understand each other and the lens is always on the humans looking down on the dogs as creatures that can't comprehend their dialect. Isle of Dogs turns the camera around to show the dogs' point of view on this issue. The fact that this was an English-centric movie with a lot of Japanese dialogue was an interesting choice and a ballsy one that I applaud. Every once in a while they will say something that is not a real Japanese word that is obviously derived from an English word. I feel that showing a bunch of Japanese speech to an American audience in sections where you are supposed to be getting more out of why they are saying what they are saying than what they are saying is a good opening for something like "respecto", obviously not a Japanese word. Absurd moments like this are what makes Isle of Dogs unique in its comedy. I'm not saying that any of this becomes hilarious but it breeds a consistent ruleset to this effect that never breaks or bends throughout the movie. After a while, you do not expect to understand what the Japanese characters are saying unless there is a translator character nearby, which a lot of the time there is. I think that this mechanic makes Atari's character work better and hold more meaning to the dog characters, which are the main characters. I would find it worn out and cheesier if Atari was speaking a language that the main characters can't understand while the dogs' voices are put in a language that an English-speaking audience can understand. The main characters aren't supposed to understand Atari, and vice versa. If we can understand Atari but they can't, we as an audience are no longer with the main characters, we are watching the main characters. No shit, either way we are technically watching the main characters, its a movie, but I find it more endearing and ambitious the way that Wes Anderson went about it. At the beginning of the movie it essentially explains this for a brief moment in a way that is still entertaining to the viewer as it happens so I'm still not entirely sure why this is such a widespread complaint.

In conclusion: Isle of Dogs is a good-ass movie. Watch it. Don't watch it with young children unless you have some really badass young children. If it is still in theaters, watch it soon so you can directly support great animation with an actual fucking plot. I get that these take forever to make but it should still not be that much of a rarity. Basically I'm saying Isle of Dogs is really good and Illumination can suck my dick.

4/23/2018

Lexi Karma lyrics: "Self-Titled"

12 Mar

A day like today where the suffering's worse than fate
What one does with it is much more potent
Writing off lies knowing no one has spoken

Lose
A life made of action
Choose
A life made of anguish
We all choose

If we all chose to wade through this chemical waste
Would the diagnosis matter in normalcy's haste?
I beg to differ
I beg to no one
I beg with the dividend that I'm left alone

Say what you will say in turn with a severance
Buried in deep with the rubble that came with this
No one can tell what tomorrow will do with this

Angelic choirs still sing of a demon kiss

Self Titled Commentary 12 Mar - YouTube


Crystal

The silence softens me
A word with only thee
Already mortal so a self-inflicted tendency
To make a statement with a microphone and kill it
Until everyone just vomits and God willing

We slip away
Take you down
Until your way
Weighs you down

One hand to play with me
One hand to pull the plug
Another hand that spills the vodka on her favorite rug
A gnashing, sprawling answer to the love that she once had
And maybe in a moment, you may tell yourself she's not so bad

I did a lot of thinking
Despite bottles you can see
My pores are leaking
My adrenaline is reeking
Until death do us a favor

We slip away
Take you down
My favorite girl
Weighs you down

And if no one can see
Why can they not reach you?
Clarity is fuzzy

Depending on the material of the stronghold

Self Titled Commentary Crystal - YouTube


Mendax

When all the lights come into bloom
You strike the chord that's out of tune
Made to sound sweet and fill in time
Yet later doesn't even rhyme

In the mouth is where it sleeps
Is it easier to leave it lie or watch its power seep?

We open doors that close too fast
Like making species with no class
In a catastrophe we build upon ourselves
Relieving and straining each other

Who will you choose as a guide?
Having been there once before I'll tell you
There is nothing left to say

With just over seven billion mortals sharing every breath
Why do we ridicule the gods as they all sentence us to death?
In the event that I can't reach you realize that no one can
Because your coat of heavy armor will expose your second skin

Dare I see with my eyes
And then feel in disguise
Such an innocent crime

Free with no chance of release

Self Titled Commentary Mendax - YouTube


Sselfles

Tou llac uoy yadot spahrep
Lwoh uoy yad eno ebyam

Self Titled Commentary Sselfles - YouTube

Selfless

Has he taken you into account?
It's been a lot of waiting, right?
Can I shoot you more questions?
Will you really start a fight?

They say moving on's the hardest part
But practice makes perfect
We all have the strength to make two strong
Guess he didn't deserve it

The river flows beside the sinuses and into the senses
Reactions are made to become unreactive
Contradictions are made to become your philosophy

Maybe one day you howl
Perhaps today you call out
Say today he remembers
But everyone can remember
Amnesia, destruction

I'm not so deceiving
Selfless and reaching

Self Titled Commentary Selfless - YouTube

Kisses

Colors will lead you nowhere

If the clouds corrode the sky
Can you take it?
Stay in bed and cry
Everybody's wages are the same as long as they're taken slow

If your body meets the earth
Who will be there?
Alone you just die
Don't you know that
Beggars can't be choosers but the giving's in the way of the soul

It just can't be wrong
They're singing the song

Colors will lead you nowhere

When the sun kisses the sky and brings a color flood
Then the sky can take a soul up to the lord above
When the grass begins to wave the flag to many a dove
You still feel the broken love

When the rainbow brings a gift to see and never touch
Do you wonder what it's like to be alone too much?
If the moon is cursed to half a day and then it gets shoved
Do you need to fall in love?

Through the test of time
There is hatred
Menacing depression ridden with guilt
All of these complaints pale in comparison to you holding still

You just have to make it known
But I'll tell you
You have just been lectured by people in the air
They know what they do but it's up to you to take it somewhere

Move to the music
So you never have to move the end
Mating is dating and fun is what you tell all your friends

It just can't be wrong
They're singing the song
I feel it inside so it won't be too long
Colors will lead you nowhere

When the sun kisses the sky and brings a color flood
Then the sky can take a soul up to the lord above
When the grass begins to wave the flag to many a dove
You still feel the broken love

When the sun kisses the sky and brings a color flood
Then the sky can take a soul up to the lord above
When the grass begins to wave the flag to many a dove
You still feel the broken love

When the rainbow brings a gift to see and never touch
Do you wonder what it's like to be alone too much?
If the moon is cursed to half a day and then it gets shoved

Do you need to fall in love?

Self Titled Commentary Kisses - YouTube

Shower

Sound sung stringing song sewn with strain
I can drain the memories but wavelength tends to mess with things
Like the fact that it's just easy to breathe
But I'll tell you one thing
I can't remember one thing for the life of me

What's left to say?

You turn me on
But you escape me

We're locking eyes
You have no clothes
It's so much simpler when you know you're not exposed

It's the notion that you come to find
But only when you're not in full control of your emotion
All or none and you can't decide
At least once a day
Several lives crossed between the lines
On a grid expanding to be disposed
A finger on me
Finger figures of a harbinger

A sensor that's so null
Perceived as a signal
A pointless retrieval
For new disapproval

So spontaneous and undefined
But for all conclusions that dare to defy me
I decide on this light above
And it has to be pure
Naturism both granted and lost
By the touch of hands and the voice of mind
To tell you one thing
It's to yourself

A sensor that's so null
Perceived as a signal
A pointless retrieval
For new disapproval

And if I say I want to keep it
I'll more just try to reach it
In hopes that I can see it
So why try to tell me
I can only do nothing
And dreams are impossible

What I have come to adore is lost
Screaming at the mist so soft
From this day forth I am gone

A sensor that's so null
Perceived as a signal
A pointless retrieval
For new disapproval

And if I say I want to keep it
I'll more just try to reach it
In hopes that I can see it
So why try to tell me
I can only do nothing
And dreams are impossible

Self Titled Commentary Shower - YouTube


Masked Appeal

I am as good as I look on paper
I have your own conflicting soul
You know
They seek sixty cent salvation
One that makes your sad existence whole

And I do what you think again
With a purpose made known again

Maybe you can save yourself whenever you need saving
Bad guys can only be as bad as your mind
I could be as real as you were making me on Sunday
All of your addictions dressed in masks and tights
I can make you disappear
But first go talk to the cashier
I'm saying what you're making is an excuse for your nature
You are just about as worthless as you see the legislature

I do what you think again

Come and see me scripted again

Self Titled Commentary Masked Appeal - YouTube


Six Minutes

A tired knot unsheathed
Propellers propelled by one's greed

A parallel exists
From sharing kills to sharing kiss

While one and one make two
Subtraction's always due
And no one knows better than you
Who will know better?

And with time all things mend
Without I guess they all just end

Respect and chivalry
The same six minutes you gave me

While one and one make two
Subtraction's always due
And no one knows better than you

Can you feel the chilling?
It's absolutely killing one of us

Yeah, maybe down there you'll feel something

Self Titled Commentary Six Minutes - YouTube


Break Contact

War for the neutral party
You can't see
In each other's eyes you'll never reach a treaty

So why not just break contact?
Break contact
Break contact
Break contact

Severance is the only bracer
For a welder now revealed
You defy the gods of your own selfishness
Swimming long enough to kneel

Rest assured you will always falter
Off the master's beaten path
There's no such thing as mutualism

When two creatures are attached

Self Titled Commentary Break Contact - YouTube


Winter and On

In case you missed last season
I'm fine
Previously on what I left
Behind

It's hard to see through the convolution
I made
Can we call backwards evolution
Mistake?

Studies show that we don't know
Failure, achievement; all signs that we are useless
Together we look so pale
Warming up to each other still leaves one side
Looking like the victim

And if you will this
I will come back to you
Only to disappoint
Your assumption of what I've done
And where I will go
And if I have
Worth

Studies show that we don't know
Failure, achievement; all signs that we are useless
Together we look so pale
Warming up to each other still leaves one side

Looking like the victim is just never the worst place
Failure, achievement; all part of the experience
In the Summer you will know
But in this bed I'm

Blind

Self Titled Commentary Winter and On - YouTube


More

I caged you in
You gave me more

Why do they call it top 40 when they only play 10?
Say you can't understand so maybe you should listen
I get the real feels around you
Maybe you can party tonight, maybe you want to

I know you can't hear me so shut my mouth
If you can't stand the heat, then we should get it all out
I get the real feels around you
Maybe you can party tonight, but with the other dude

Say you want to take a stroll with me when the lights are out
Holding out
Scary thing's
I don't even care that much it happened before and
I was cynical then and I'm cynical now
You're all down on the floor while I'm up in the clouds
Am I feeling it out?

I'm already on the next level
Don't give me a look I have several
I've heard of so close yet so far away but this is ridiculous
We ignore the future 'cause it's not today

The next time that you see me
I will struggle for your touch
And we can meet up in each other's dreams
Since reality may cost too much

I caged you in
You gave me more

The next time that you see me
I will struggle for your touch
And we can meet up in each other's dreams
Since reality may cost too much
Why must we suffer battle
Between predator and prey?
If all this really starts to strangle hope
Then something has to change

Stepped outside
Got a cold
Found the sun
But no souls
And I feel
That the world may have imploded
But I feel

So I sit
On my throne
Making noise
All alone
Our capacity for social ties
Only reaches so far
And it seems about time for that rope to rip up into parts

So I can wrap the chains around his neck

Self Titled Commentary More - YouTube


Kentucky Girls

When I said I love you
I did it with words
When I see your face
I give it what it deserves, in the darkness

You are the best thing I've seen
Since I fed off this monkey
Tonight I will call you my one and only
Tomorrow a cab

All I need is a pair of glasses
To kiss one of your chins
Preferably filled with confidence
And a shot or two of regret

If there were something else for us to do tonight
I would still ferment a cherry
Because the only two things to do around here
Are drink and get laid
Did you know your love makes the earth shake
Every time you meet Johnny?
And it doesn't matter who he's with
You're gonna get sprayed

You are the best thing I've seen
Since I fed off this monkey
Tonight I will call you my one and only
Tomorrow a cab

Because
This corner that I have been sent to is making me laugh
I only feel two things; arousal and resentment
I want to tell everyone off and make everyone love me at the same time
You slut, you feel the same way
Your petty cuteness is measured in numbers

And I'd love to find how you mature
In
Nine

Months

Self Titled Commentary Kentucky Girls - YouTube


Heaviest

Why can't said other party of people or an individual person accept me for what I am?

Lower
Low

We will overcompensate for anything
Keep reaching for the stars
Because they're so beyond the public
Everyone knows what they are

This is spontaneity born of repetition
Reeling in the masses
To showcase memories

Following your heart
Until you're pumping blood
If you can understand me
Check, plus plus

We will make every ear start ringing
And stay confident in bars
Because they're so beyond the public

Everyone knows what they are

Self Titled commentary Heaviest - YouTube


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You can buy the album here if you haven't:
Lexi Karma | Self Titled | CD Baby Music Store

Also iTunes (but it's cheaper on CD Baby for some reason on Apple's part):
Self Titled by Lexi Karma on iTunes

4/16/2018

Favorite Movie from Each Decade

I thought this would be a cool idea. I'm not super into movies a lot of the time though, or at least not as much as the general populace, so please forgive me for forgetting your favorite movie. Also, that's your favorite movie so maybe just don't be butt-hurt about stupid stuff that doesn't matter. Like my blog. Here we go!

1920's: Metropolis (1927)

I'm not going to pretend like I love movies from the 20's. As interesting as the era is from a film studies standpoint, I don't really study film any more than any average Joe. But something about Metropolis in a high school film class made me watch it again on my own. I enjoyed its general concept at the very least. I lean more towards sci-fi more than most things and for its time it is very well done. Since this was the 20's, there was a very small amount they could do in terms of story-telling and yet they kind of pulled it off. Like Nosferatu from the same decade, something about it is just more ominous than most modern horror. With Nosferatu (yes, that's another 20's movie I have actually seen and one of the only ones I have seen) there is just this horror element that I don't like of "when is this person going to die?" or "is the scary monster going to die?". Metropolis is scary because its concept is timeless. Just like the Matrix did a damn 72 years later, it brings something you have probably thought about before and cast the thought aside and slams it up in your face in ways that make you uncomfortable but also unblinking. Is this movie loads of fun by today's standards? Am I going to recommend you all watch it or you know nothing about culture in general? Hell no. It's dated as fuck. However, in this early of an era of film, I just so happened to notice a few movies on the lists I found online that I had actually seen. If you are really into film or are thinking about working in film one day, I would say Metropolis is interesting and won't feel like a waste of time. Otherwise, skip it. Sad, right? It's my favorite 1920's movie but even I'm like "dude, don't worry about it, Y'all watch some 90's Disney with me".

1930's: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

The 30's didn't have much I cared about or have seen, but I have always had a soft spot for Snow White even when I was a kid. It's animation at the very least still holds up and that in itself is impressive. I always say something along the lines of "if you have to tell yourself that certain things in media are okay because of their time period, then they really aren't that great". Snow White however just looks really nice. Something about it is still pleasing for me to watch, probably more now than when I was a child. Maybe its the sweet ass on Snow White! Eh? Ehhh?

...kidding.

Its settings, all hand-drawn, are thematic and breathing. Everything in the movie feels alive, even if its an inanimate object. The fight scene with the queen in witch form near the end is still daunting because of the way the cliff merges with the water and lightning. Something about it is just visually striking to me and I think the simplistic plot centered around greed and jealousy is just solid enough without being overbearing to make the real focus the visuals. I'm okay with this.

Okay but before I move on, the first big musical number where Snow White is making a wish into the wishing well, Prince Charming interrupts her song and scares the ever-loving shit out of her and it makes me laugh out loud every time. Alright moving on.

1940's: It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

So when you saw 20's and 30's on this list, you probably thought I was a hipster fuck, right? Well eat your own words mister miss mister and just have a damn seat. Let me tell you a thing or two about It's a Wonderful Life. Are you ready? It's a Wonderful Life is not only my favorite movie from the 40's (an era where I think I have only seen 2-4 movies), it is one of my favorite movies of all time. I'm not kidding. This isn't the thing I do where I reveal in a few sentences that I'm joking or actively being facetious. Me saying "I'm not kidding" is not a mislead. Everyone should see this movie, it is quite the bomb, and in my opinion, it might as well be storytelling perfection.

I know it's old as fuck and it's a Christmas movie to boot, which is why most people ignore me when I jizz all over my own face in public about how fucking awesome It's a Wonderful Life is, but just hear me out. The whole first act seems like it is setting up an angel character by showing him his target, George Bailey, who is really the main character, hands down. George Bailey's life isn't necessarily a life that all viewers will relate to: not everyone lives in a small town with a brother who almost died but they saved his life and girls that they grow up with that end up being potential love interests like some kind of pervy dating sim. It doesn't have to be. The point of the first act is that you see the synopsis of a man's entire life unfold. It takes for-fucking-ever, and in a modern movie or hell, even most books, this would be a sluggish chore on a burning, crashing train to sit through. But every little segment that the angels show the audience is fun on its own in its own special way. You feel like you know George Bailey. You don't have to relate to George Bailey and they didn't have to make him a superhero to make him interesting. At the same time, they didn't make him a boring, wash-up comedian to try and make him relatable while boring the audience half to death. George Bailey is a guy you know because you had fun watching a synopsis of his life, so you associate this character with good times and bad times but all the while still entertaining, which thematically sets up the whole fucking movie. And that's just the beauty of act I, and I'm majorly paraphrasing.

Act 2 turns into a dark comedy that makes The Life of Brian look like fucking My Little Pony and then transcends into full madness that makes Alfred Hitchcock fully erect in his grave every time someone buys the movie on DVD. James Stewart does such a fantastic job of transforming the eccentric and jovial nature of George into earnest servitude when necessary, and this just makes his insane moments even more gripping. The writing alone could make a lesser actor in this role pull it off okay, but James Stewart, in assistance by the cinematography, makes you feel uneasy.

"But Bruce, this is just a Christmas movie, it can't be that scary, or at least not as unnerving as A Christmas Carol!"

We all know Christmas Carol and we all know its scary because ghost people holding a mirror to our face is a terrifying concept in its own right. Showing us our own greed and what it can do to hurt others is something that anyone with a general conscience has probably thought about at least once in their lives. The reason It's a Wonder Life does this so much better is because it actually does the opposite, and it's much more terrifying. It brings your own selfishness of leaving your life or just leaving people behind in general and shoves that in your face. It tells you to buck up because the pain you cause in your current life is nothing compared to what may have happened without you on the planet. This probably hits home for me more than most people because of my own mental health issues, which might just speak to why I think It's a Wonderful Life is such an important movie for people to watch in general. It shows you that you or anyone you know has value. You have known George Bailey for about an hour and a half, and already the thought of him being gone is not great. To further accentuate this is the terror of a world without him; a fantasy element to the movie so based in reality that it hits close to home for anyone, and hits three times as hard for those who actually paid attention in the first act.

Going into any more detail might spoil the movie and/or bore the shit out of you so uh.... Next!

1950's: Alice in Wonderland (1951)

The 50's was a real stretch. I wanted to say Sleeping Beauty but I haven't seen that since I was really little. Equally impressive on a visual scale was Alice in Wonderland. I thought about Vertigo too but I don't think I made it to the end of that one, so again, I defaulted to Alice in Wonderland because I have no idea what happened in the 50's at all. In any case, Alice in Wonderland still earns the slot it has in many people's hearts as a timeless fantasy adventure. It shows why I love animation so much because when it is done right, it is timeless by default. Alice in Wonderland isn't one of my favorite Disney films or even one of my favorite animated films, but again, the 50's eluded me on this one. I'm just a sucker for animation and a well-balanced mix of trippy shit, and I think this iteration of the Alice story fulfills that.

1960's: The Producers (1967)

Mel Brooks is a big name in comedy, with good reason, and while most people almost strictly think of Blazing Saddles and Spaceballs when his name is brought up... well I also think of those two things but I also think of The Producers. Something about The Producers is just thoroughly entertaining to me from beginning to end. It feels varied, which can be hard to pull off in a film while still keeping a concise story that goes from A to B. Each scene in The Producers could be its own sketch. The scenery changes up a lot and the characters met along the way are all silly and memorable in their own ways. The finished musical that the characters make is so bombastic, and since the production is part of the story, you feel like you were in on it the whole time... well kind of. Obviously, that sounds stupid, you know you aren't in the movie. The Producers isn't set up like Blues Clues or something dumb. Gene Wilder is incredibly cartoonish but still believable and attention-demanding with his performance in every scene he's in and Zero Mostel's character has a great dynamic with his. It's been about 5 years since I've seen this all the way through but its a comedy classic for a reason.

I'm not going to say "it's dated but you have to think about for its time" because I don't know jack about the 60's, especially in regards to film and as I stated above that argument is bullshit. What I will say is that it has a kind of older sense of humor and its delivery is affected as such. This is something that I personally find charming and part of what brings it to the top of the 60's for me, but I can see it being a turn off for a lot of modern audiences. Something to think about for anyone who hasn't seen it or might be debating on checking it out.

1970's: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a comedy that I watched way too many times as a young teen. I thought in adulthood it would get old and all the quirkiness that made this movie such a mainstay in my life would lose their luster. I was wrong. There are still multiple scenes in the movie that make me smile uncontrollably and remind me of why I love the movie so much in the first place. It tells a very simple tale but one that splits the knights in the story onto different routes that give way to completely different scenarios in the tale. These bring the protagonists together in the final act of the movie in a way that would be a dramatic odyssey of conquest and valor in a fantasy adventure film, but in Holy Grail, it kind of does that but its ultimately just silly. It does so many goofy things and mixes in cartoon elements where they shouldn't work but they do. Even the fourth-wall breaking humor works here because it completely diffuses situations of tension where you as the viewer are actually curious how the main characters will survive, and then they end up surviving in the stupidest ways possible because the main characters have also proven to be too dim-witted to actually solve most of anything on their own. Beyond that just go watch it, because otherwise, I would be explaining jokes, and that is never funny. I know you think it is. It's not. Don't explain jokes to people from a movie that they haven't seen. Your half-assed, unorganized depiction of one scene in a movie with no build up doesn't even do as much justice as a shitty movie trailer would. That was irrelevant to the movie, I just thought I would get that off my chest. Phew! Onward!

1980's: Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Anyone who has heard of Studio Ghibli knows that even the worst films this studio crafts are masterful. My Neighbor Totoro (one of their most esteemed and arguably most popular movies) knows what you came for and makes the story take a backseat to glorious animation that is entertaining enough on its own. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind came out before Totoro and I can't believe more anime weabs don't talk about Nausicaa because its the only Ghibli production I've seen so far that has a plot that actually kept me glued, and in my opinion, its character design and backgrounds are some of the best I have seen in any anime production, especially one the length of an average feature film. Actually shit, this one's two hours I think too. But a lot of you nerdos, like myself, think of one movie in particular when you think of one of the best movies ever and one of the best movies from the 80's as a whole.

Get ready to get mad...

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.

This is probably my favorite Star Wars movie out of the 7, if we are to ignore Rogue One, which in my opinion should be called Chode One because honestly, that would make the movie exponentially more fun for me. So don't get me wrong, I like Empire a lot, but I like Nausicaa more. You already know Ghibli is awesome and you know that Star Wars is one of the most well respected and successful franchises on the planet. So I'm going to try to argue why it isn't blasphemy to rank Nausicaa over what is considered one of the greatest films ever created and one of the greatest films that will ever be created... you know, other than the fact that this whole thing is just a giant opinionated soapbox and nothing I say should sway the way you feel about Star Wars but eh ya know whatever time to piss off some internet kids.

Since I was young, I always loved the Star Wars movies. Looking back on the main seven as an adult now, The Empire Strikes Back, in my opinion, is the one with the best overall production value, best script, best plot depiction, set design, character development, satisfaction from previous titles in the series: Empire just simply has "the works" as they say in "the biz". Calling Empire specifically one of the best movies of the 80's is like saying urinating is one of the best things to do in the bathroom. Even amongst the competition, it is a no-brainer, which is why I'm sure I look like when I say I like Nausicaa more, a complete psycho.

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is also sci-fi and has a "good vs. evil" mechanic just as easy to grasp as Empire, but Nausicaa does it on its own. Nausicaa introduces endearing and interesting characters, captivating scenery, believable yet fantastic geography, and delightfully designed creatures all in the beginning without the movie feeling like a total drag. Even its one-on-one talk shots suck you in because you want to know what's going on in this universe after the first scene, and the first scene is just gorgeous and barely relies on dialogue at all. You're already strapped in for the ride and its barely even begun.

Empire, especially if you were dumb enough to start the series from Episode I all the way to V, does have fun characters, but the only ones that are really enigmatic enough to consider interesting would probably be Boba, Luke, and Vader. If you started in the prequel movies, then Vader already loses a lot of the mystique that helps make him such an intimidating villain as well. Luke is the main character and he is getting progressively stronger so you kind of already suspect that he isn't going to die in these movies, or at least not in Empire. We all saw what happened to Boba Fett. Star Wars, and this isn't a pun but get ready, has no sense of space. The screen pans and the main cast is instantly on another planet. Maybe they break away to Luke on Dagobah to give some illusion of time, which is not necessarily a flaw by any means, but when comparing it to Nausicaa it loses something that Nausicaa has and I have to commend. When Nausicaa's lead character, Nausicaa, goes to different locations, there is a sense of urgency and a feeling of losing home in so many ways that this makes you want the main character to succeed, even if you don't fully grasp the politics of the movie as explained in the first act. In A New Hope, Luke begs to get away from home, which is why the audience feels a guilty sense of relief when Luke's aunt and uncle are attacked because it was obviously depicted by the movie that they were tying Luke down from the adventurous life he wanted to lead. In Nausicaa, the audience is propelled to feel appropriate remission of the comfort of The Valley of the Wind of the movie of the overuse of the "of" of the English language. To make further comparisons, the creatures of Empire are memorable and pretty alright but I think Nausicaa's are better for lack of a better term than better. Not only are Nausicaa's fauna and hell, even flora, more unique and identifiable, but they are a central part of the plot and an extension of one of Nausicaa's most recognizable character traits. The Tonton scene in Empire shows that Luke is more kind to all life forms and Han will only do what he sees as necessary for survival by cutting it open. Nausicaa, as a character, has a love for all life that is so beyond any other character in the movie that no matter how terrifying and dangerous the wildlife in this movie gets, the audience still feels something for them. This makes you root for your main character throughout the whole movie because every step and little victory she takes is coming full circle from every single fucking scene she has been in.

Empire has a lot of things that also make Nausicaa a fantastic film as well, but if you aren't convinced of my point yet, I'm going to make one more. No, I swear, only one more point. I promise. Nausicaa is one movie. Empire is an amalgamation of different ideas and themes cast about from other films. You either need to see all of IV, V, and VI or all of I through IV or maybe even all six of the original films to fully appreciate what the film is going for, which is the problem with a space opera as ambitious as Star Wars. Take Kill Bill, for example, Christ, I am referencing a lot of movies just to defend myself for liking some anime bullshit. Vol 1. and Vol 2. of Kill Bill almost feel like different movies despite having direct story connections. You remember what happened in each individual movie with no confusion. Yes, Vol 1. is necessary for Vol 2., but it doesn't feel like an elongation of the same ride. 2 feels like a different ride that cools down from 1 and then amplifies with pure tension to make 2 appropriate for what was intuitively set up in 1. Empire requires so much investment and time from the viewer not because it's a bad movie, but because it's a Star Wars movie, and there's so much to digest that could, in theory, be condensed. My evidence for this theory is Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, which made my jaw drop in more moments within a two-hour time span than the original trilogy of Star Wars ever has even when I was a child and thought that Darth Maul was scary.

You don't have to agree, most won't, and I understand. Star Wars redefined what science-fiction was capable of and made it something that any audience could latch onto and enjoy to some extent, and for that, I will be eternally grateful, especially for Empire. But if you asked me what my favorite movie that came out of the 80's was, to my own surprise upon writing this, I am much more taken aback by the animated masterpiece, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind of the Repetition of the Joke of the Previous Paragraph of the Stupid Blog.

1990's: Reservoir Dogs (1992)

I'm a big sucker for Tarantino's movies, so this wasn't so much a question of "what is my favorite 90's movie" but rather "do you like Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs more?" In the end, I don't have any concrete answers. As much of an overanalyzing goon as I am, I can't tell you why I like one more than the other. Maybe I think the gimp scene in Pulp Fiction is too long or something. Pulp Fiction I think is more fun for a general audience. Of the two I think Pulp Fiction is the most accessible and I can see why most people would say it is the best. Reservoir Dogs actually excites me every time I see it though. It speaks volumes about a movie if it revolves around a mystery that you already know the answers to and the story still floors you. Let's say there was a drama movie with a nearly identical plot to Reservoir Dogs but instead of people dying, people getting tortured, and instead of being in a shady warehouse all of the characters were in a family mansion and they were politely asked to leave because they lost a game. Their tension would have to be shown on each others' faces and would have to have killer acting to make this consistently entertaining for the audience. Going home to their families is not that daunting of a task without a lot of build-up. Tarantino is often criticized for an excessive use of violence in most of his movies and where most people may say its gratuitous bordering on adolescent, I see something else. I see the primitive trigger in the human mind when they see fictional murder, or rather murder that they don't have to feel bad about. It is a release, and it is instantaneous. The reason why this is usually seen as childish in film is that there are a lot of movies where a lot of people just die for no reason, and there's just this hardass character that likes to be overtly violent because the writers thought that would be cool. In Reservoir Dogs, every death is the result of some fault in someone's character and in Reservoir Dogs specifically, it does not take the world's best attention span to think about this while watching the movie. Everything is expertly put in place to set off a mental trigger for character development in characters that don't want the other characters to know about their personal traits. Every conversation metaphorically becomes a bullet that becomes someone's death by the end of the movie and even if it wasn't the outcome you thought would happen or what you wanted to happen, the tension is relieved in the most satisfying way possible. What I find even more impressive because I have seen it tried and failed in other forms of media is that the entire movie effectively takes place in one building, and it's better for it because of what Reservoir Dogs sets out to do with your brain. It still has enough charm and superb acting that it could be background noise or what they call a "popcorn movie" as well... I think that's the term anyways. Reservoir Dogs works best as a mind-rattling thriller though, because it doesn't need constant weapon fire to illicit turmoil to the audience. To explain further would spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the movie.

2000's: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Every time I am too sick to move, I actually get a little excited because it gives me a lazy excuse to watch some Lord of the Rings! In my opinion, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is three of the best movies ever made. The adventure looks just as exciting for the cast and crew as it is for the viewers. I will admit that you have to keep your eyes and ears glued to what's happening in nearly every scene to fully understand what's happening but most of the time that is not super difficult. The incredible cast, impressive CG, and tasteful use of breaks and timing make every scene near perfection. Even if you don't pick up every single detail in a dialogue-heavy scene, the body language of the invested cast gives your brain enough context to be able to decipher enough to enjoy the films to their end. The most entertaining of the three for my brain is the third; the grand finale: The Return of the King. Now it's time to piss some more people off though, okay here we go:

Remember early when I was saying that The Empire Strikes Back requires a lot of effort and invested time from the audience because they have to pick up hours of information from other movies to even have a grasp on what's happening in this movie? So by this logic, I should hate The Lord of the Rings movies and especially despise The Return of the King right? Well, obviously I don't so I'm not sure why I wrote that shit in question form. The Fellowship of the Ring already sets up this precedent that there is going to be this long drawn out quest, so much so that a lot the main characters are originally opposed to it even though they were specifically gathered for the quest. It takes a little guy with basically no combat experience to say "yo pussies, let's do this shit! It's only going to take three movies that last like four hours a piece! What are you, babies?!?" Fellowship already sets up the use of magic, politics between whole cities, and not only does it set up this world in a constantly entertaining way but it sets up the characters that go on this journey. The characters by this point are endearing because the script shows that they can make you cry, make you laugh, and make you want them to succeed for whatever goals they are going towards all in one movie, again, something that took Star Wars... six... fucking... movies. Now I'm not saying that Lord of the Rings is better, more practical, and more immediately entertaining than the god that is Star Wars, but what I am saying is... well... upon further reflection that's exactly what I'm saying.

The Two Towers brings these characters along and twists them with the turmoils of their journey. Two Towers had every reason to be the Matrix Reloaded, the Dumb and Dumberer, the shitty Disney sequel cash-in to follow Fellowship, but from the beginning, everyone involved in these movies knew that they wanted a trilogy and they wanted them to blow every other fucking film of the time out of the water. Every impressive thing that Fellowship had in visuals, choreography, and in the script was topped in Two Towers to keep you invested because they knew that this had to serve as the bridge from the humble beginnings to the blood-soaked and exhausted end.

The Return of the King, in every way, is that blood-soaked and exhausted end. Every scene in this movie is so over the top and even one of the earliest scenes in this movie smashes your expectations of what this installment is going to do by unexpectantly killing off a major character before half an hour has passed. Every scuffle, battle, full-out war, and death thereof has some connection to every character in the main cast that you have grown to love for the ridiculous amount of time you have invested in this series of movies. A lot of people argue that Fellowship and Two Towers are more fun because of this, but without Return of the King, nothing that any of the beloved cast did has barely any meaning at all. Even the main quest of the series takes a backseat to some of the political conflicts that directly affected different individual characters, some already dead, making almost every scene satisfying.

I mean, other than this I'm just a big ol' dweebus and you have every right to think I'm an idiot for liking Return of the King and its dark, bloody, emo bullshit as much as I do.

2010's (so far): Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

This is probably not a surprise, especially considering the movies I have picked up to this point. For me, it was a no-brainer. The 2010's haven't ended yet but already it has been an embarrassing decade for the world of cinema. There are so many shitty reboots and worn-out tropes that even titans like the Marvel universe and Star Wars have fallen victim to this sweep of mediocrity and general lack of imagination. I think Marvel answered this with Guardians of the Galaxy. On purpose? Eh. Who knows? What I do know is that, unlike a lot of the recent superhero movies or just movies in general, there was so much care and emotion put into every crevice of Guardians of the Galaxy as a production, that it is objectively okay at its worst. I hate to say it is the movie that has everything, but it basically does. Its comedy is persistently funny after seeing it however many fucking times I have seen it. Its tear-jerking moments still hit me just as hard. Its visuals are easily some of the best computer-generated 3D visuals in most movies, not only of its decade but ever. Even the motion-capture for a fucking raccoon makes most of these stupid modern shooter video games look laughable in comparison. Its romantic subplot is not just for the main man to get his dick wet but more importantly it focuses on pointing out flaws and insecurities in two very important characters in the story, arguably the two most important characters. Guardians of the Galaxy is a crazy ride because it doesn't follow a simple hero's journey. It abducts a child and raises him in a directionless world, and that lack of direction works in the best way possible. The main cast is constantly being jerked around by the faults in their past and threats of their future. The main cast members join together and become friends in a way that friends do, only on a way bigger scale that involves gunships and all that. Most of these action movies when characters end up becoming friends despite all of their differences usually just hinge on the simplicity of that sentence and force a fictional friendship with no consequence. The friendship of the main cast makes them stronger and admitting it makes them stronger, but their baggage directly affects all of them by almost killing them. If they hadn't teamed up, a lot of the villains would affect only the characters that brought them along, but together they had to combat all of them. Friendship does mean added strength, but if that strength isn't used for anything then it just falls flat. They all have to keep tabs on each others' dangerous personality faults and the demons they carry from their past, in the form of actual villains, some of which just happen to be carrying infinity stones and can blow up entire cities to build up into entire worlds.

The movie does beg for a sequel, but not in the way where it negatively effects the rest of the movie. Vol 2. could have never been made and Guardians of the Galaxy would still be a great movie where further adventures are just an idea that adds to the ending. But of course, with this stupid cinematic universe thing, they are going to have to reuse these characters in other movies where they are completely out of place just for the sake of crossing over for the cha-ching. Oh well.


I made this because I think to study storytelling, you have to go way back. Do you have to go to Egypt and translate ancient tablets? No. You just have to see more examples of the things you like and hate evolving from something else that you also might love and hate. Comparing the old to the new is important because you wouldn't be able to make the new so easily if we all just completely forgot about the old. We would make mistakes that older media would make again. Especially in film, which in comparison to literature, theater, visual art, and music is a pretty new art form. I feel we are still working out a lot of the kinks and a lot of it just comes down to being aware of origins and what's current and why that's important to you as a creative person, or maybe even just as a consumer. Also, I like to spout out my opinions on the internet to try to convince you that I'm smart and know shit about movie production.

3/27/2018

The Dreaded Disney Bracket

Lightning cracks and thunder explodes upon the Earth as The Disney Bracket stretches across social media and ravages our minds!!!

Except no, this is just some Twitter fad but I'm taking a damn day off. I'm exhausted. I almost fell down my stairs today I'm so used up. So then I saw the Disney bracket being passed around more than it was and thought "I have unimportant opinions on children's media".

[I posted the bracket at the bottom of this blog post so if you want to see that first or don't care to see my reasoning, just scroll down there. Just don't bitch at me until you've read a match-up or the whole thing.]

First: This bracket. Thanks to whoever made it but it's kind of stupid, or rather it is stupid that it blew up this much. Do you people know how many Disney animated movies there are? This isn't even half. Where's Atlantis? Snow White? Pinocchio? Sleeping Beauty? Emperor's New Groove? I'm an old man (twenties) and I can go fuck myself, but I haven't even seen some of these. Most of the people who did this bracket probably don't even know what the hell The Good Dinosaur is.

Second: My history with Disney. Disney has always been a bit of a gross company. They went from grueling hours in the olden days to trying to monopolize media itself today. Because of the quality of these movies, even if only on an aesthetic level, and the fact that the company has been around for so long, they are fucking succeeding. It's sad, but hey, if Disney is going to take over Earth, at least we have more than a couple handfuls of cool movies to watch in our cells. Wait... is Wall-E actually Disney's plan to take over the human race? I grew up on a lot of these movies. I have seen at least half of these more times than I can possibly count. I, unlike many people, don't really have a nostalgia bone. I threw out a lot of my childhood so I look at these movies simply as movies. Fortunately, I have seen a lot of them within the past 5 years so I'm not just talking out my ass or moving a movie up because "it was literally my childhood lol".I love animation as a medium though. That's why I care so much and why I think you should rewatch these movies as an adult, not necessarily with a critical lens;  just an open mind to what's flawed and what works.

Okay well, here we go:

ROUND 1: seed 1:
The Lion King
v
Tarzan
I watched The Lion King religiously as a kid. I know that's just a figure of speech but I grew up with religious parents and I watched The Lion King way more than I read the Bible. I remember seeing Tarzan quite a few times but I never fell as in love with it as I did The Lion King. Fast-forward to reality, I think The Lion King is one of the most overrated Disney moves of the bunch and Tarzan is one of the most underrated animated films of all time. I'm not saying that The Lion King is bad or that Tarzan is flawless but in my mind pitting them against each other is nonsense because Tarzan will always win. The Lion King is Hamlet for furries. I know most of the Disney movies just rip their plots from old fables and fairy tales so it isn't any worse from ripping from Shakespeare. I'm not going to pretend that I can recite Hamlet's plot to you. I can't even name most of the characters off of the top of my head. I don't remember most of the plot to be honest. Lion King makes it more simple but I feel that because of this, it lacks a lot of what makes Hamlet tense, and therefore emotional. Also, Hamlet doesn't have nonsense musical numbers. Lion King has fantastic animation during the songs. These are awe-inspiring and give way to the plot in many cases but the way they do this, it could have been done without these songs. Lion King is a great kids' movie for this but I'm looking at these as movies. Tarzan has Phil Collins on every track and it still uses the songs more tastefully. You can argue it isn't as effective, sure, but I think the songs in Tarzan seem less farfetched. The fact that the characters usually aren't singing the songs grips me more. Clayton, Jane, Jane's dad, even Tarzan to certain extents are well-written characters because they have real emotions that people feel. All of them, even Clayton, even fucking monkey-man, are relatable. They even do this with a lot of the animal characters. If they just started singing a goofy song about how much fun the jungle is, it would take you right out of the narrative. Tarzan doesn't do this because although its animation is ambitious and the illustration is amazing, it has a much larger focus on its narrative. In comparison, AGAIN, IN COMPARISON, The Lion King doesn't really focus on anything. The songs are a side to the plot. The plot is a side to the animation. The animation is a side to the comedy. The comedy is a side to the conflict. In Tarzan, the songs are a band-aid over the passage of time, another aspect that Lion King does worse than Tarzan. I felt like I really watched Tarzan grow as a person, as a character. Simba just kind of Animorphs into an adult. Tarzan's plot is enunciated and uses everything else as a tool to make its points. Tarzan's comedy always lands for me, whereas Lion King ALWAYS relies on Timon, Pumba, and the annoying-ass fucking hyenas, and a hippie baboon. None of those characters even fucking matter either. Jane's dad matters. Terk is a childhood friend, essentially a relative. Tantor is a friend Tarzan gains as he gains confidence in himself. I swear the rest of these comparisons won't be this long-winded, but I think whether you agree with me or not, you can see why I would have to defend myself with titanium blast shields when I say that not only is Lion King flawed, but Tarzan is better.

Tarzan wins.

ROUND 1: seed 2:
The Princess and the Frog
v
Lilo & Stitch
I want to do another bracket that I will make in the future because this one is flawed. There are movies on here I have never seen. The Princess and the Frog is one of those movies. It seems ambitious. I wouldn't mind watching it someday. In comparison, I have always loved Lilo & Stitch and was surprised to see how well it holds up and how emotionally captivating and entertaining it was when I watched it again a year or two ago. Sorry, Princess and the Frog fans. Don't hate the player hate the... person who made this bracket.

ROUND 1: seed 3:
Tangled
v
Big Hero 6
Again, I haven't seen half of this shit. What am I supposed to do? Go watch all of these fucking movies for a social media bracket? Big Hero 6 seems to have an original story to tell. Even if it ends up being a knock-off, it looks original on the surface. Tangled is Rapunzel. I don't care.

Big Hero 6 wins?

ROUND 1: seed 4:
Frozen
v
Moana
I have not seen these movies all the way through but I have seen a decent amount of them. In theory, and from what I've heard of both of their plots, I hate them both. Of the two, and I could be completely off base, I prefer Moana because of its morals. I know that sounds stupid but on a CGI level, both of them are impressive. I want to vote Frozen over Moana purely because of the magical powers that can actually hurt people being given to main characters in the film, but all-in-all, I feel like none of the character arcs in Frozen really make any sense. In comparison, I don't know much about Moana's characters. Frozen teaches kids that accidents are to be met with contempt. Your two options are to deal with this or run away with your ice witch powers and become a dangerous god of destruction. There is more to it that I don't even care to remember, but Moana wins over Frozen in this case not only because I think the locales are more visually striking, but for the same reasons I don't like Moana, it beats Frozen. Moana is a harmless, bubble-gum movie about pretty characters in pretty places singing pretty songs about pretty things that happen to them. I prefer an actual conflict. Frozen has an actual conflict but it is bred from pure stupidity and the whole thing kind of looks like a mess to me. On a more petty note, that one motif from Moana gets stuck in my head sometimes out of nowhere. Let it Go pisses me off.

Moana wins.

ROUND 1: seed 5:
Aladdin
v
Hercules
I can totally get behind whatever someone picks here. This is an unfortunate one to put this early in the list because both movies have actually earned their ranks as classics. Movies like Frozen will go down history from sales and elongated popularity due to strategic marketing. Aladdin and Hercules are just good movies. They function and excel in storytelling. Their animation is fluid and superb. These two are some of the best Disney animated films ever, in my opinion, because they are cartoons that allow themselves to be cartoons. Snow White is an impressive Disney movie, one that should have been in this fucking bracket. Damn millennials (I'm in my twenties). Snow White has cartoon moments that make the dwarfs more entertaining and endearing but the rest of the movie is really polished. It uses exaggeration to make light-hearted moments, funny moments, and genuinely intimidating and striking moments. I'm not saying Snow White is the best movie ever made but pioneers in film usually don't age as well as Snow White does, and it was literally the first of its kind. That's unheard of. If you didn't catch the flaw that I sort of hinted at there, the dwarfs are comic relief characters. All of the exaggerated animations usually fall on these seven characters and almost no one else. Aladdin and Hercules are better in this aspect, and in turn, Hercules is better than Aladdin in this aspect. Aladdin is a clean movie that adapts an old tale very well. It works well in a musical setting. Although the Arabian people peak English and Robin Williams is fucking ridiculous, it really isn't that unique in storytelling. It doesn't feel like a new take on an old story as much as Hercules does. Hercules isn't one story. Hercules uses a lot of different mythical lore from hundreds of years of transcription and research and turns it into an entertaining movie for all ages. The Genie in Aladdin is a buffoon, Iago is an asshole, and Raja is a nice guy but sometimes he's fed up with other people's shit. These aren't bad characters but that's where most of the comedy lies. Hercules lets its characters have several different dimensions that let a lot of different characters be situationally funny and emotionally captivating at the same time. Because of this, the story is also more than a doomsday plot. Hades taking over means Hades won. Not evil. Not the Avengers Tesseract. Hades. Hades is a salty fallen angel who almost takes over the underworld. He almost wins. If you didn't know any better and you had never seen a Disney movie before and you didn't know Greek mythology, it gets pretty fucking close to where you aren't sure what's going to happen next. You will probably still assume that Hades doesn't win in some respect, but I can't think of another Disney movie that comes this close and becomes this suspenseful and really makes me want the main characters to succeed in all of their goals.

Hercules wins.

ROUND 1: seed 6:
The Little Mermaid
v
Pocahontas
Despite being a cis white male, I have actually seen both of these movies several times. I hope this matchup is obvious but I'm sure it's not so let me explain. Pocahontas is a visually impressive movie. The Little Mermaid is a visually impressive movie. Both are visually impressive movies. Visuals don't make a movie. If you like Pocahontas more than The Little Mermaid because it's prettier, that makes a lot of sense. I disagree, but I get it. The Little Mermaid has more fun characters. Almost everyone in Pocahontas either has no character or is a selfish prick. This can work. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Seinfeld revolve completely around selfish characters that constantly trip over their own egos and that's part of what makes it hilarious. Falling on their own metaphorical swords is what makes the shows charming as much as they are tragic. Pocahontas just has a lot of one-dimensional assholes. The Little Mermaid has simple characters with simple goals but the plot is depicted in a way that kind of makes me question my own morals as a viewer. It doesn't do a fantastic job at it but this isn't a review of The Little Mermaid. I can only name two songs from Pocahontas and they're the only two I remember, even then, it's only the chorus. The Little Mermaid has a bomb soundtrack. BOMB! The vocal performances are great because they never break character and still work musically on a performance level. The Little Mermaid is not even close to one of my favorite movies of all time. I feel pretty lukewarm on it and I'm pretty sure the only reason I watched it so much as a kid was because Ariel is almost naked the entire movie. In comparison to Pocahontas though, The Little Mermaid is a masterpiece. If you haven't seen Pocahontas, just watch the Colors of the Wind scene on YouTube or something. Fuck Pocahontas.

The Little Mermaid wins.

ROUND 1: seed 7:
Mulan
v
Zootopia
Mulan is fucking awesome and I haven't seen Zootopia.

Mulan wins.

ROUND 1: seed 8:
Beauty and the Beast
v
Nightmare Before Christmas
This comparison I see people getting the most butt-hurt over, hence why one of the most popular of these brackets was one where Beauty and the Beast beat everything. In 2D and in stop-motion, both of these movies are fucking titans. Their soundtracks are superb. I prefer goofy stuff in ridiculous scenarios that bend the rules of planet Earth or at least western society. I don't think I need to explain much more. My bias pretty much guarantees that Nightmare Before Christmas beats out the foofoo love story of Beauty and the Beast. I also feel that the romance subplot of Nightmare is done better than the romance in Beauty and the Beast, which is sad because romance is a major component in Beauty and the Beast and a side-dish in Nightmare.

Nightmare Before Christmas wins.

ROUND 1: seed 9:
Up
v
Brave
I haven't seen Brave. Up is a movie I don't really like. I'm not a monster though. The first few minutes of Up are insane. This is one of the most gripping 3D animated scenes in history. It would have worked great as one of Pixar's incredible short films. Alas, they tacked on a generic adventure. Even then, I still haven't seen Brave, so instead of moving Brave ahead with the pretense that it is probably more consistent than Up, I'm going to go with Up because I don't think it is fair to compare the other movies to Brave if I haven't seen it.

Up wins.

ROUND 1: seed 10:
Toy Story
v
Toy Story 2
Okay, these brackets could not have been randomly made. What the fuck? Oh well. Toy Story 2 is not a bad movie by any means and it has a lot of charm but something about the pure fear of Toy Story 1 and the ego-centric conflict between Buzz and Woody makes me appreciate Toy Story 1 more than 2. They are both pretty crazy movies in their own right so I would recommend both.

Toy Story wins.

ROUND 1: seed 11:
Coco
v
Cars 2
I honestly have not seen either of these movies but I have seen Cars 1 and I despise it. I can't imagine Cars 2 being any better. Coco, from trailers, seems to have some refreshing charm to it to some degree or at the very least looks more whimsical.

Coco wins

ROUND 1: seed 12:
Toy Story 3
v
The Good Dinosaur
I haven't seen either of these either but I know that Toy Story 3's plot is damn near a carbon copy of the formula used to make Toy Story 2 memorable. The Good Dinosaur is stand-alone by this point so I'm giving it the thumbs up here. Fuck this bracket.

The Good Dinosaur wins.

ROUND 1: seed 13:
Ratatouille
v
A Bug's Life
Oh good. Another one to piss people off. I haven't seen Ratatouille. I probably should. But I haven't. I have seen A Bug's Life many times. It's not half bad.

A Bug's Life wins.

ROUND 1: seed 14:
Finding Nemo
v
Inside Out
I have not seen Inside Out. It is an ambitious movie with a fun gimmick but from what I understand it fails to take full advantage of this in terms of story-telling and characterization, granted it is kind of hard to make gripping characterization when most of your main characters are supposed to be stereotypes based on the lore and the science-fiction rules of the movie. I'm not a big fan of Finding Nemo but having seen it several times I can at least say that its story can sort of hold your interest from beginning to end. Finding Nemo at least gives the audience a sense of something destructible. Inside Out provides 5 characters that only exist in another characters' brain, establishes that copies of the characters exist in multiple brains, and then try to make you care about characters who are replaceable inside of a character who doesn't really grip the audience either, or so I have gathered from what little I know of Inside Out.

Finding Nemo wins.

ROUND 1: seed 15:
Monsters Inc.
v
Cars
I already stated that I hate Cars so I'm not going to waste much of your time here. Monsters Inc. is one of my favorite animated movies ever. It has consistent humor throughout hinging on two very close characters that end up at odds with each other for the same similarities and differences that make them friends in the first place. Cars isn't funny. Its character designs are disgusting.

Monsters Inc. wins.

ROUND 1: seed 16:
The Incredibles
v
Wall-E
I haven't seen Wall-E. The Incredibles is fucking amazing. So as much as I don't want to pit The Incredibles against Monsters Inc. in the next round...

The Incredibles wins.

ROUND 2: seed 1:
Tarzan
v
Lilo & Stitch
This is lazy but if you look at every attaboy I gave Tarzan above and size it up next to Lilo & Stitch, it should be pretty obvious which one moves to Round 3. Lilo & Stitch doesn't necessarily fall on its face in comparison to Tarzan. I truly love both movies. At the end of the day, I just find Tarzan more gripping. Tarzan also sets up its setting and closes is it out well. Lilo & Stitch makes an engaging sci-fi world in the beginning and basically never utilizes it. I'm not saying that makes Lilo & Stitch a bad movie. I'm saying that Tarzan never disappointed me. Tarzan takes you through a few twists and turns and some of them make certain characters disappointing but it is all part of the story being told. Lilo & Stitch's issue when it comes to disappointment breaks beyond the fourth-wall by making an explosive entrance and never coming full-circle.

Tarzan wins.

ROUND 2: seed 2:
Big Hero 6
v
Moana
I haven't seen either of these movies so it feels weird moving either of them into Round 3 or even talking about either of them. I have seen more of Moana than I have of Big Hero 6 and that actually makes Big Hero 6 win. Moana, as I said before, is a movie that does not interest me because "Moana is a harmless, bubble-gum movie about pretty characters in pretty places singing pretty songs about pretty things that happen to them". Who gives a shit? Even the little girls who love this movie don't actually give a shit.

Big Hero 6 somehow miraculously wins.

ROUND 2: seed 3:
Hercules
v
The Little Mermaid
No contest. The Little Mermaid is not necessarily a bad movie but everything I talked about earlier when comparing Hercules to Aladdin was a close call between Hercules and Aladdin. The Little Mermaid doesn't even do any of those things as good as Aladdin, so it definitely stands no chance against Hercules in my mind.

Hercules wins.

ROUND 2: seed 4:
Mulan
v
Nightmare Before Christmas
It is now time for hypocrisy. Despite the fact that Nightmare Before Christmas beat Beauty and the Beast because it is silly and out of this world, I still prefer Mulan over both movies. Not everything in our minds is cut and dry. When I said that Nightmare Before Christmas is a better movie, in my opinion than Beauty and the Beast, that doesn't mean that I think every silly musical is better than every more serious musical. Although Mulan has a much more serious tone it does that more effectively by telling its story more effectively. Nightmare Before Christmas is an entertaining movie that can evoke a lot of thought into someone's mind but because it is such a fantastical setting, a lot of its theming takes a lot more mental gymnastics to be as poignant as something like Mulan. Mulan is based on real events. They may not be accurately depicted but as far as a story goes, historical accuracy be damned. Mulan, as a movie, is a story about a strong human being that goes against everything for a greater purpose that should get her burned at the stake but ends up changing the world around her for the better while actually saving many lives in the process. Jack Skellington does something new and unheard of in his setting but one of the things I found a little weak in the story is that he is kind of just doing it for himself, and this selfishness doesn't matter. The plot never really does anything with it. He is the shit, and everyone thinks he is the shit, so even if he fails one way or another, it probably isn't that big of a deal. Until Oogie Boogie becomes more apparent, nothing has a lot of weight to it in Nightmare. Mulan starts poking at your testicles in the very beginning and doesn't stop until the satisfying end. Again, I'm not saying Nightmare Before Christmas is a bad movie or that I hate it. I love both of these movies. Mulan just strikes me more and I think there is more we can learn as a species from what it sets up and efficiently executes in comparison to Nightmare Before Christmas.

Mulan wins.

ROUND 2: seed 5:
Up
v
Toy Story
Obviously, I'm going to pick Toy Story, are you kidding? As I said before, Up feels hollow to me. It has a fantastic opening and then quickly trails off into a very safe, inoffensive, clean, non-challenging, pointless adventure tailored for a throw-away kids' movie. Toy Story is obviously a kids' movie. It's a movie about toys that talk and walk around and get abused by kids. It is just as tailored for children as Up is but is an entertaining story with depiction to fit it. I don't think I saw Up beginning to end but I saw enough of it to know that I don't give a shit about a single character in that movie. The main character is set up so fucking well and its heartbreaking to see him thrown away into a garbage bin that is this movie's plot. I think they named it Up so when I try to say "fuck it" everyone gets confused because it comes out as "fuck Up".

Toy Story wins.

ROUND 2: seed 6:
Coco
v
The Good Dinosaur
Still haven't seen either movie. From what I've seen from trailers alone, I think Coco looks more interesting and fun to watch. I really like animation. Not enough to become an animator but enough to really like animation, usually over live-action media. Coco just seems more fun and less pandering to me.

Coco wins.

ROUND 2: seed 7:
A Bug's Life
v
Finding Nemo
This was actually kind of a tough decision at first because I haven't seen A Bug's Life in about ten years, but then I realized that this fact actually helps. I remember the plot of A Bug's Life, a lot of the characters. Even if I don't remember their names, I remember their motives, what they look like, and their personalities along with some strengths and weaknesses. Finding Nemo is more about insecurity and loss. A Bug's Life is about give and take, social commentary, and also loss. Let's be honest, even if you haven't seen A Bug's Life, look up the fucking plot synopsis and tell me that Marlin, Dory, and Nemo lose more than the characters in A Bug's Life. Setting up a giant bird and fighting a daunting enemy with an army whose hands are metaphorically tied behind their backs is way more emotionally charging and memorable than your son going missing from being an impulsive moron and having to go after him because you have to control everything while finding a mentally-ill comic relief character along the way whose amnesic rules have little-to-no consistency.I have seen both movies several times and I remember the plots of both but I think A Bug's Life is better at portraying its themes and making them more poignant. The game Unravel is a game with basically no dialogue that is also about an unsuspecting hero uncovering something lost. It does a better job than Finding Nemo. Finding Nemo tries to tell you that it's about the journey more than the destination but its journey is aimlessly running into different sea creatures in a big empty ocean. A Bug's Life has Flik go through different memorable locations that have at least a tiny bit of symbolism to what is happening in the plot and what is happening to Flik, never wavering from the bigger political conflict between the ants and the grasshoppers. Oh lord, I'm talking about politics between bugs and I'm being serious. Oh... god......

A Bug's Life wins.

ROUND 2: seed 8:
Monsters Inc.
v
The Incredibles
Kill me! These are two of my favorite animated movies ever. They may be two of my favorite movies of all time in general. Can I just say both? No? Fuck. I can't think of too many things that one movie does notably better over the other that isn't balanced out by something else. At the end of the day, this one is going to come down to personal taste more than anything I can really point at. The Incredibles is more appealing to me because I think that superheroes, as a concept, are under-utilized. The Incredibles sets up an interesting setting and gives it rules that make it unique and memorable even without all of the well-written characters and dialogue. Monsters Inc. has a unique setting as well but the way its set up is ironically more similar to our world than that of The Incredibles. If you swapped all of the monsters in Monsters Inc with humans, it would just be considered a monster movie but because of the relatable characteristics of the monsters in Monsters Inc, the movie is about a bunch of workers going to their job until something unexpected happens. The main characters do something that the company would find unforgivable and try to fix it as safely as possible. When punished for the crime they once found unforgivable, they realize how stupid the rule is and then try to fix the rule while also saving the life of the strange being that got them in this predicament as well as serves as a personification for the audience to see the rule for what it really is. In our world, we have such prejudices and outdated pre-cautions. We don't have superhero rules because we don't have superheroes. The Incredibles has a setting that uses its rules as a foundation and these rules affect almost every single thing that happens in the movie, giving everything purpose all the way down to the movie's humor. These movies are both fantastic and I recommend up, down, and sideways, and all-around, and across the town. By a few hairs...

The Incredibles wins.

ROUND 3: seed 1:
Tarzan
v
Big Hero 6
I haven't seen Big Hero 6 and I still am not sure why it had to get as far as it has.

Tarzan wins... by default.

ROUND 3: seed 2:
Hercules
v
Mulan
It's strange: we all have preferences in media in terms of genre and style. Some prefer comedy movies, some drama, horror, romance. In the end, a lot of my favorite movies seem to round out everything. They don't fit one hole for the most part. The Dark Knight is a superhero movie, so an action movie, but has a lot of political charge and character-centric conflict to make it a great drama as well. Guardians of the Galaxy has silly characters and seems to be comedy overall but it also has insanely choreographed action with dialogue and character building that makes me almost cry even though I have seen the movie more than ten times. Pulp Fiction has... what the fuck genre even is Pulp Fiction?!? By this strange mental paradox that we have preferences but like it when the preferences mix, Hercules is a movie I like more than Mulan, and it could be argued that it is fundamentally better. I'm not going to argue that because I already made enough of you angry with The Lion King thing. I just think everything in Hercules is done at least a pin-needle width stronger than Mulan. I also like the character designs and art direction more. Hercules looks like fucking Hercules. There are things you can point out in the animation and illustration that make it look unique in comparison to many movies. There are things that obviously set these movies apart, but I think you can see what I mean if I said that Aladdin, Mulan, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Treasure Planet, and to certain degrees even Tarzan and Atlantis, kind of look the same. They have different setting and character-designs that differentiate them, I'm not saying they are clones. In comparison though, Hercules looks like its own movie. It uses what looks like the artwork of ancient Greece when they depict myths. The movie uses that depiction to make its own depiction without forgetting where it all came from, making it less of a shameless rip in terms of plot when compared to many other movies in Disney's library, even dating back as far as stuff like Pinocchio, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty. I prefer uniqueness, and usually, that comes hand-in-hand with versatility when it comes to film. Hercules masterfully merges drama, comedy, action, sadness, joy, anger, tension, love, hate, and purpose just a bit more than Mulan does.

Hercules wins.

ROUND 3: seed 3:
Toy Story
v
Coco
I still haven't seen Coco and Toy Story is one of the most innovative movies of its genre.

Toy Story wins... still by default.

ROUND 3: seed 4:
A Bug's Life
v
The Incredibles
I have given both of these movies a lot of praise but they are both pretty dated. As a movie and even as a story, The Incredibles has aged far better. You could say that this is because computer animation had come much farther along by this point but I don't think that is the case. A Bug's Life and The Incredibles are just as detailed and are uniquely stylized movies in their own right. I think the animation is more emotive in The Incredibles. I care more about the characters, even the villains, in The Incredibles. Pretty much everything is just done a bit better. In fact, this goes back to what I said when comparing The Incredibles to Monsters Inc. A Bug's Life is based on an old fable called The Ant and The Grasshopper but again, if you replaced all of these characters with humans, there are still parallels that would make the story relatively the same. If all of the characters in The Incredibles were bugs, you would still need bug-equivalent superheroes to fully capture the point and the themes presented in the original story. A Bug's Life is also a lot less personable and therefore less relatable. Flik is a fine character but it still comes down to fighting for the greater good while also himself. The Incredibles is a lot more complex because the main characters, even the villains, are more complex. The grasshoppers in A Bug's Life are just big, selfish bullies, and the only complexity is they need to eat. A Bug's Life is just against domination. The Incredibles is against the domination of one person who more importantly symbolizes uniformity. Syndrome wants equality because he grew up as an inferior, not realizing that his methods will turn him into a living god upon success, creating a more dystopian version of what he was trying to avoid. This is more interesting during and after the movie than what A Bug's Life sets up. Really every aspect I can think of is. Why did I bother explaining this for so long? Does anyone actually like A Bug's Life more than The Incredibles after watching both from beginning to end?

The Incredibles wins.

Now shit is going to get quite real.

ROUND 4: seed 1:
Tarzan
v
Hercules
Both of these movies are incredibly captivating but there are two main reasons I can think of that I would recommend one over the other. The first is that I am a child that has not grown up from the allure of silly cartoon-standard antics with exaggerated expressions. The second is Phil Collins. Hercules is ridiculous in all the right ways and although both movies are very entertaining, Phil Collins singing in almost every single song on the soundtrack inadvertently breaks the fourth wall in a way that I cannot see any upside to. Even when Hercules is unapologetically absurd, it is usually intentional and never takes me out of the experience. Phil Collins has nothing to do with Tarzan as a story, so it shouldn't be something distracting in the movie. Even if you don't know who Phil Collins is, I think having the same person sing everything in the soundtrack of a movie with musical montages while not being a narrator or part of the story is kind of stupid. I think his inclusion in the movie works surprisingly well and kind of feels like a narrator in some vague artistic sense but the songs in Hercules progress the story along just as effectively as that of Tarzan if not more. I usually prefer movies that don't double as musicals but Hercules blends its musical numbers in with the already fantastic plot-depiction so well that it all sews together into a big warm, fuzzy sweater that never rips apart. Tarzan is a forgotten gem of a movie but this strange decision was probably a publicity stunt on Disney's part and your business ends should never get in the way of the production of your art in a way to where most of your audience can call you out on it from a mile away.
I can't stress enough how nearly perfect both of these movies are and how you are robbing yourself by not watching both of them beginning to end but overall...

Hercules wins.

ROUND 4: seed 2:
Toy Story
v
The Incredibles
Toy Story is one of the most technologically impressive movies of all time and although its historical impact is something I hope is never forgotten, that doesn't, by itself, make it a good movie. There are plenty of things that make Toy Story a good movie. I just think many people forget that. I think only one or two people have given me actual critical points of why Toy Story is a good movie, some of them being huge fans that claim it is nearly perfect, at least for what it's worth as an animated film from the 90's. I don't factor time period into how I enjoy a movie. Even if you want to go down the lazy and ignorant nostalgia route, well, let's look back to when I was a kid. A few of my favorite movies from when I was a child to when I was a pre-teen still stand today. I wasn't aware of time period or at least when these movies were released, but off the top of my head, these would be movies like Hercules, It's a Wonderful Life, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That's a 90's 2D animated fantasy-comedy, a 40's holiday drama, and a 70's adventure-comedy. I thought it was a funny movie, a happy Christmas movie, and another funny movie until I started learning more about film history as I grew older. I still love these movies and it has nothing to do with their time period. If anything, Toy Story making most of its characters toys when animation was harder to make fluid is a bit of a crutch in comparison to the still-limited early 2000's technology that The Incredibles utilizes to depict humans, robots, and fictional superpowers. This comes down to stylization, among other things. Toy Story doesn't look lazy by any means but part of the reason it is said to have aged well is because the main characters are supposed to be inanimate objects animated, which in development is almost exactly what they are as well. Even within the same movies, the humans don't look that much more human the the toys depicting humans and Scud the dog doesn't look so hot either. They still serve their purpose. Andy's sister, Molly, looks like a ditsy, slobbering baby and her character design and model design fit these characteristics. Scud is supposed to be a scary, intimidating, vicious beast; that works too. Then there's Hannah, Sid' sister. That chick looks like an alien. Her animation works for her but the model hasn't aged super well. The Incredibles on the other hand uses an already cartoon-like look and throws realism not completely out the window but into more subtle details like wall textures and hair. This makes the world more believable in comparison to everything looking plastic in Toy Story. Both take advantage of the technology they are given but the one that has the least holes in the seams at the end is almost objectively The Incredibles. Aesthetics aren't everything of course. Second paragraph time, motherfuckers:

Toy Story and The Incredibles both have engaging stories and mostly functional plots but I like The Incredibles more in this aspect as well. Toy Story is a story that is mostly propelled by insecurities in different toy characters, as well as less predictable shenanigans triggered by human characters. Even though it is just a bunch of toys, Toy Story does a good job at making the plot feel like it matters. On a surface level, some toys getting lost of strapped to rockets is really not that big of a deal, especially because the toys being sentient is not a world-ending detail in the movie. They even utilize that aspect of the movie really well in the beginning and end. The Incredibles has a more grounded unique factor but it still sets up a unique world, despite all of the characters being human. Like I said earlier, our world doesn't need superhero rules because there are no superheroes and The Incredibles uses these rules to its advantage to give every single thing in the movie a purpose. There are still a few things here and there I may find slightly flawed, sure, but all of the connections everything makes based off of superhero regulations, what is and isn't allowed, what does and doesn't matter to the main cast is airtight. The Incredibles paints an interesting picture of what life might be like in its fictional world and allows you to question it in comparison to our world. Toy Story is a bit more lacking here, I think. The Incredibles shows this fictional life through the characters that most affect the unique rules AND are most affected by these rules. Toy Story has a similar lens but the characters kind of live in their own world that they just have to hide from the rest of the world. This is because they are underpowered. They all exist on their own plane for reasons that are never fully explained. It is canon that they are manufactured and they are so inferior to humans that they can't start a full revolt against more than just some kid in his own backyard. The superheroes in the Incredibles are superior in many ways, so they have many complex reasons to hide their identities and the fact that they are anything more than human. They also have the ability to disguise themselves as humans. The toys in Toy Story can't, so they are always stuck in this inferior state. "What if toys were actually live?" doesn't really matter. Whatever the answer to that is would be pointless because it would probably just end up with toys succumbing to our will or being destroyed, especially because we created them. In The Incredibles, humans like us are sheltered as much as possible from the superhuman characters because we, in a primitive sense, are at their mercy. In a full revolt, it is very likely that we would be overtaken. We would be inferior. That equality would also fit in with Syndrome's vision and his motives as a character. See? There's more to think about. More intricacies that the movie sets you up in a big comfy chair and allows you to think about. Toy Story says "no, the toys go into toy mode when the humans come in but they can affect things in the real world as well, but it doesn't matter because they're toys". This doesn't make Toy Story objectively worse, I just think that The Incredibles is more interesting in terms of source material and that kind of makes everything else work better by default.

Sorry for over-defending myself again but Toy Story is probably even more fanboyed to death than The Lion King is. I feel like if I said "Toy Story sucks" on the internet, it would stir more hatred than "God is dead". Sorry for not being nostalgia-blind.

The Incredibles wins...

...or does it? Now we have to go to the finale!

FINAL ROUND
Hercules
v
The Incredibles
This just isn't fair. These are both awesome movies. The best. The cream of the crop. Even if this bracket didn't have a bunch of movies that I haven't seen, these two would probably still end up near the top somewhere. In a lot of ways, Hercules is kind of like a superhero, and the "supers" in The Incredibles are kind of like gods and monsters in Hercules. The difference is that the superhuman characters in Hercules have pretty much been accepted as superhuman. They aren't hidden. Hercules has a hidden origin because he doesn't even know and most people wouldn't believe that he's Zeus's son but that's it. There's no rule hindering Hercules from killing off the human race. There are characters that would probably kill him first but that's it. In this sense, Hercules is more strung together by its characters. The Incredibles is strung together by its rules. You would think that this would make Hercules a more entertaining movie by default, because who likes rules? In my opinion, the opposite is true. The Incredibles is still strung together by its characters which is why it is able to hold a constantly captivating story throughout while having more than one main character. As much as I love the main cast of Hercules, let's face it, Hercules is the main character. The story is about Hercules. The Incredibles is about superheroes. The Incredibles is about the rules that shaped Mr. Incredible's life for The Incredibles family to be created after showing superhuman ability has been outlawed. Art has the ability to show a unique vision that hasn't popped into everyone's head, created by anywhere between one and a few thousand people to make one final piece. Life imitating art imitating life in a never-ending cycle works in The Incredibles' favor. Mr. Incredible still has a midlife crisis that creates a great motive for a lot of the events in the movie to take place. Elastigirl still disapprovingly looks at her ass in a mirror. Violet is still too shy to talk to Tony because he's a hot guy and she's insecure. Dash wants to be more of himself but the rules say he can't because of his superpowers. Jack-jack is a stupid fucking baby who can't control his own shit, let alone his superpowers. They all have relatable traits while living in a world that we can't possibly relate to because it doesn't exist. Hercules has this but the only character that matters in this is Hercules. Meg doesn't matter. She's awesome and in the movie's story she obviously matters, but she matters because she matters to Hercules. Same with Phil. Same with Pegasus. Same as the gods of Olympus. The story is more entertaining when your characters are believable. You believe in the characters in Hercules because in a broad sense they have relatable motives but The Incredibles are a lot more specific. Their supernatural stipulations make their human side more interesting. It's kind of like when you feel like you are ugly, then you see someone who you think is pretty. The pretty person is crying or having issues with their emotionally abusive significant other or something. You would kill for their beauty in this insecure moment and wonder how they can be sad when they have so much you envy. Swap beauty out with being able to break through walls with brute strength or stretch your body however you can imagine or make force-fields that can deflect bullets. This makes you curious, the rules for the Supers answers a few of your questions instantly, and then the characters are built just like normal human characters would be. Hercules is a demi-god and he is set up like a demigod. He gives up godliness to become more like us but he's still a fucking demi-god. The main cast of The Incredibles are stuck with their powers. We can hide our creativity, insecurities, a bad zit, the ability to sing, our love of kittens, our natural physical appearance. They can hide their powers just like we can hide strengths in ourselves, but they have to, and the movie questions why and invites introspection while still providing comedy and over-the-top action from all of the things I just mentioned. Through this long-winded explanation of why I think The Incredibles is more interesting than Hercules as a story, movies tell stories, so even if you disagree, I think that--

The Incredibles win.
And that was a lot of writing and critical thinking.
Basically an essay in itself.
So I really hope you don't just say I'm wrong and can actually come up with something non-toxic if you disagree.

One day I want to do something like this again but with a more fair bracket or something.
Why do I put this much effort into stupid bullshit on my days off?